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December 9 - December 10, 2023
This book is for you. Never let them tell you you’re not magic.
a grudge will eat up your whole life and leave you on your deathbed, realizing you never lifted your head to the sun or had a second piece of cake.
“The observatory is named after your grandfather.” “So were you, boyo. It’s Pitch blood in both our veins.” It’s rat blood in my veins. Currently.
And then my father figured out—I’m not sure who told him, Fiona wouldn’t have—that Simon and I were being extremely homosexual together.
I thought we had the sort of love that you can’t set down or walk away from. An undying fire. The love you hear about in the old stories. No one told Simon Snow the old stories.
“No, Simon. No. We can’t come apart like this. We’re not made of pieces that come apart.”
I know I’ll never love anyone like I love Baz. I know he’s the love of my life. Of all my lives.
“I love you,” I say. (And I know it’s a not a thing. I know it doesn’t matter.) I turn away from him then, and tuck my wand in my pocket. It’s only anger making my legs move. I can’t believe he’s doing this, I can’t believe I’m leaving. I can’t believe this is it—that this is how we’re ending. It wasn’t the Mage. It wasn’t the War. It wasn’t the Humdrum. I stop at the door. I look back at Simon one more time. “I never thought I’d be the first thing you ever gave up on.”
Why haven’t I ever fought for Baz?
“I want to … try. Because—Because I love you, Baz. I love you, and I didn’t think that I could keep you. But if there’s a chance … If there’s any chance at all … I can’t—I want—I need—”
“This thing between us didn’t start with us dating. It didn’t even start when you kissed me. You’re in me so deep, I wouldn’t know how to dig you out. I may get fed up with you … But, Simon, I’ll never get tired of you.”
What a ridiculous creature. Happy that I put butter on his sandwich. As if I wouldn’t make the world spin backwards if I thought he’d like it better that way.
“I just want to be with you,” I say. “And this is where we are now. I’m a broken-down mess, and you’re a rat-drinking monster.”
“Well, if it isn’t Basilton Pitch. Did you take a break from getting your cock sucked and remember that you have friends and family?” “Took a break from sucking cock, actually.”
Fine, you fucker. Have me. Just have me. Do your worst, you stubborn twat. Be the death of me. You’ll be the death of me.
Wait. Is that the Chosen One? That guy in the jumper? Him? I don’t know what I was expecting. Someone more intimidating. Or someone more obviously shamming, maybe even twirling a moustache. Not a hot young guy in jeans.
“If you can’t be gay at Ikea,” Snow reasoned, “where can you?”
Is this what people do? Get as close as they can and then push closer? Burn each other’s faces into their eyelids? Let each other into every gap? And then what? Then just tomorrow, and more?