Theory of Bastards

by Audrey Schulman

Her parents—Canadians—didn’t discuss politics, sex or bowel movements. Their voices were carefully modulated, every consonant clear as a bell. They took a brisk walk once a day and ate a well-cooked vegetable with dinner. As Protestants, they considered a visit to the doctor somewhat suspect, a lack of fortitude. Their only medicine was an occasional aspirin taken with a glass of water, preferably out of sight of anyone except an observant child. When asked, they always replied they were doing well, thank you. In Hamilton, they blended in seamlessly with their neighbors, perhaps that was the point.