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December 7 - December 19, 2024
“I like to encourage curiosity and deviant thinking in youngsters,” Lyla said.
We can do good things, or we can do bad things
“Forgive me for my heaving chestedness and sultry intent. I assure you, it was completely unintentional.”
“Mrs. Landshome, did you spike this coffee with alcohol?” “No,” the old woman said. “I spiked the alcohol with coffee. It’s the better way to do it.”
“What are we talking about here? Blood sucking? Dismemberment? Decapitation?” “My, my—you’re a bloodthirsty one, aren’t you?” Felicia drawled. Lyla raised an eyebrow. “Would you like to find out firsthand?”
“I’m not killing another person over a fairy tale kingdom I don’t want to rule in the first place.” Felicia stared at Sasha, aghast. “You’d shoot that perfect chest?” Lyla looked down at the sketch. “It would be a crime against humanity. And chests.”
“Everyone put a sock in it!” Sasha fumed. “I am not marrying a man just because he has a nice chest.” “It’s a very nice chest, dear,” Violet said. The others nodded.
“Since when is researching such dirty work?” Lyla looked at the cobweb in Sasha’s hands and flinched. “When the library is a secret chamber hidden beneath the Middleton Gateway, and the books are alive and fight back.”
For all I know, Between could be the eighth ring of hell, full of terrible things like—like orgiastic rituals, and—and—nudist cannibals, and—and macramé,”
“Up until this morning,” the Shadow King continued, “Between was free of cannibals, nudist or otherwise—”
“Macramé is lamentably common,” he continued unperturbed. “To my knowledge, however, no one has used it for evil purposes ... yet. Given all the string and knots involved in the process, it is probably only a matter of time.”
“It likes you and is shamelessly trying to get into your good graces.” Sasha felt the weight of the shadow cloak around her shoulders and, oddly enough, felt comforted. Safe and warm. “Thanks, cloak.”
“Marvelous,” the Shadow King said dryly, addressing the cloak. “How little it takes to turn your loyalty. Let us hope that the rest of my clothing knows where its allegiance lies.”
Between is the cautionary tale that parents tell hellishly disobedient offspring to frighten them into submission.
“Your concern for Her Majesty’s safety is all well and good but completely unnecessary. My intentions are honorable; I do not plan to devour her, nor do I have other wicked plans afoot.” “Pity,” Mrs. Landshome said, staring appreciatively at his leather pants. “Sasha may have liked a bit of wickedness.”
“This situation does not require physical contact. Really, no. Good gods,” he swore as the two tiny old women hugged him. “Fine. Hug me—though, let us get this over with as quickly as possible. Ah, marvelous—now there’s patting.”
The Shadow King considered her for a long moment, his expression speculative. “Would removing my shirt hasten your return to Between?” Yes, a voice at the back of her head said. “No,” Sasha answered. The King lifted an eyebrow. “Not even if I removed it using sultry intent?” “No,” Sasha said firmly. “Not in the slightest. What a strange thing to ask.” Liar, the voice in her head whispered. You’re a lying liar that lies.
“How many layers are you wearing?” she wondered aloud, staring at his torso. “It seems like a very complicated outfit.” The King’s lips quirked. “Do you wish me to keep disrobing so that you may find out?”
“You’re a sorcerer,” Sasha said flatly. “And a bastard.”
“You’ve never had a birthday party?” Sasha was scandalized at the very idea. “That’s it—pick a day, and we’ll celebrate.” “Will you guarantee the presence of a piñata?” “Maybe.” Sasha grinned slyly. “You’ll have to show up to find out.” “Ahh … blackmail,” he said approvingly.
“Hmm, so this is the notorious Lyla. I have heard much about you.” Lyla studied the Shadow King. “Aren’t you going to say it’s a pleasure to meet me?” “That is yet to be determined.” Lyla gave a surprised laugh. “Feeling is mutual, buddy.”
“For what it’s worth,” he began, “you handled the situation in a manner that was both brilliant and violent.”
“Meh, knights are overrated.” Mrs. Landshome said. “It’s like trying to fondle a tin can. I like my men accessible and ready for action.” “I’ll drink to that,” Lyla said, saluting the old woman with her gin and tonic.
Sasha decided to ignore it all. “I’m so happy to see you! I’m gonna hug you. A lot.” All at once, the tempest around the King abruptly stopped. The leaves and twigs dropped to the ground with a muffled thud; the shadows fled back into the mist as if scared away by Sasha’s words. All three men turned to Sasha in shock. “What a truly dreadful thing to say,” the Shadow King said, clearly shaken. “I would prefer to have my face melted.”
“Barely betrothed and already abused.” The King sighed dramatically. “And to think, the coven believes that I am the dangerous one.”
“Who are you marrying?” Kaytie asked. “Is he a dentist? Dentists make me sad, and you look sad.”
“Where are you lurking, you lurking lurker?” Sasha made a showy gesture with her hand.
“Well—well—screw her!” Sasha said vehemently. “I can’t stand cheating liars! There’s just no excuse for it. Shall we set fire to her house?” “In Between, we have outlawed arson unless you have a permit, and those are notoriously difficult to get. But I thank you for your support.”
“I’ll crush everything in my path like a mail truck.” “That’s the spirit,” Martha said approvingly.
“Hmm,” she muttered, turning the mirror left and right, “what kind of secrets are you hiding in your chambers, Hill-Man?” “None,” he said. “I had all the torture implements and screaming peasants moved to the dungeons in anticipation of this meeting.” “Damn.” Lyla handed the mirror back to Lorn. “I guess it was nice of you to clean the place up for us.”
“Has anyone asked Sasha what her plans are for me?” Lorn asked. “Has anyone asked whether her intentions toward me are honorable?” “I should hope not,” Mrs. Landshome said, pilfering another glass of cider. The Shadow King gave the feisty, old lady a dark smile
“Hi, Mason,” Sasha said as cheerfully as she could. “I like your costume. What are you supposed to be?” “I’m chickenpox,” Mason said, patting the box fondly. “But I’m also a fire truck because you can be anything you set your mind to.”
Dream as big as you want Mason!
“Here.” Mason handed her a candy bar. “They may not have these in Canada. They may have something that isn’t as tasty, and you shouldn’t compromise.”
Mason is wise beyond his years.
“Ah, optimism.” Maddox shook his head. “The second leading cause of death in Between.”
“Besides, is madness such a terrible destiny? Madmen have such tremendous personality and flair! And remember, of the four Challengers today, the Radish King was the only one to land a blow, and he won the heart of the crowd. Madness won the day.”
All hail the Radish King!
“It is Wednesday. I refuse to die on such a ridiculous day.”
“We need a better plan.” “We could lay some traps,” Izzy said. “An interesting idea, but inappropriate,” Lorn said. “This is a Dreamer, not a swamp rat.” The imp with the small notebook shrugged. “So? We get bigger traps.”
Notebook Imp is an imp after my own heart.
“Your kingdom also exports fish,” Lorn said as the older man approached the throne beside Ash’s. “Are you as well versed in fish?” “The things I know about fish would make you shudder; let us never speak of the subject again.”
Men fear me
Women fear me
I fear fish
should be on a novelty hat
“Idiots always fear what they cannot control or understand.
“Terrifying.” “Just how I like my women,” Felzik said with a grin.
Same
“Don’t worry, dear,” Head Soren said to Lorn, “we’ll get to the bottom of this.” She thumbed the hilt of her dagger. “No matter the body count.”
Love a woman with a plan
If it is in my power, I will let you be together. After all, Dreams are not just for Dreamers.”
“The right pieces are key. So, to make sure we’re all on the same page, we’d like to know what your ‘vision’ ”—he made air quotes around the word—“is for the chamber.” Lorn lifted one eyebrow. “My vision?” “You have to say it with the air quotes, Majesty,” Spetzelbrass said. “It’s a special interior decorator term.”
If Rosencrantz and Guildenstern were interior decorators.
What we need is something that’s like a circle but less complicated.” “Have you considered a semi-circle?” Lorn asked. Lennox’s eyes bugged. “That would look so classy.” “Do you really think we’re at that level, Majesty?” Jakobsen asked. “I mean, that’s half a circle!” “I believe in you,” Lorn said, deadpan.
“I should have chosen cake as my bedtime meal—cake would never have betrayed me in such a matter,”
“I believe I shall regret this dearly,” he told the mirrors. “If history is anything to go by, the dreaded Lyla will encourage Sasha to act in ways that vex me on an hourly basis.” He paused. “On the bright side, there are no mail trucks in Between.…”
No mail trucks in Between…..yet.
