How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

by Dale Carnegie

two reasons why we have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Reason one: We may succeed. Reason two: Even if we don’t succeed, the mere attempt to turn our minus into a plus will cause us to look forward instead of backward;

The most important thing in life is not to capitalize on your gains. Any fool can do that. The really important thing is to profit from your losses. That requires intelligence; and it makes the difference between a man of sense and a fool.

Try to think every day how you can please someone.”

“A good deed,” said the prophet Mohammed, “is one that brings a smile of joy to the face of another.”

trying to please others will cause us to stop thinking of ourselves:

“Doing good to others is not a duty. It is a joy, for it increases your own health and happiness.”

But the man who forgot himself in service to others would find the joy of living.

Seven Ways to Cultivate a Mental Attitude That Will Bring You Peace and Happiness RULE 1: LET’S FILL OUR MINDS WITH THOUGHTS OF PEACE, COURAGE, HEALTH, AND HOPE, FOR “OUR LIFE IS WHAT OUR THOUGHTS MAKE IT.” RULE 2: LET’S NEVER TRY TO GET EVEN WITH OUR ENEMIES, BECAUSE IF WE DO WE WILL HURT OURSELVES FAR MORE THAN WE HURT THEM. LET’S DO AS GENERAL EISENHOWER DOES: LET’S NEVER WASTE A MINUTE THINKING ABOUT PEOPLE WE DON’T LIKE. RULE 3: A. INSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT INGRATITUDE, LET’S EXPECT IT. LET’S REMEMBER THAT JESUS HEALED TEN LEPERS IN ONE DAY—AND ONLY ONE THANKED HIM. WHY SHOULD WE EXPECT MORE GRATITUDE THAN JESUS GOT? B. LET’S REMEMBER THAT THE ONLY WAY TO FIND HAPPINESS IS NOT TO EXPECT GRATITUDE—BUT TO GIVE FOR THE JOY OF GIVING. C. LET’S REMEMBER THAT GRATITUDE IS A “CULTIVATED” TRAIT; SO IF WE WANT OUR CHILDREN TO BE GRATEFUL, WE MUST TRAIN THEM TO BE GRATEFUL. RULE 4: COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS—NOT YOUR TROUBLES! RULE 5: LET’S NOT IMITATE OTHERS. LET’S FIND OURSELVES AND BE OURSELVES, FOR “ENVY IS IGNORANCE” AND “IMITATION IS SUICIDE.” RULE 6: WHEN FATE HANDS US A LEMON, LET’S TRY TO MAKE A LEMONADE. RULE 7: LET’S FORGET OUR OWN UNHAPPINESS—BY TRYING TO CREATE A LITTLE HAPPINESS FOR OTHERS. “WHEN YOU ARE GOOD TO OTHERS, YOU ARE BEST TO YOURSELF.”

I can remember the days when people talked about the conflict between science and religion. But no more. The newest of all sciences—psychiatry—is teaching what Jesus taught. Why? Because psychiatrists realize that prayer and a strong religious faith will banish the worries, the anxieties, the strains and fears that cause more than half of all our ills. They know, as one of their leaders, Dr. A. A. Brill, said: “Anyone who is truly religious does not develop a neurosis.”

When I asked him if he ever worried, he replied, “No. I believe God is managing affairs and that He doesn’t need any advice from me. With God in charge, I believe that everything will work out for the best in the end. So what is there to worry about?”

Jesus declared that there were only two important things about religion: loving God with all our heart, and our neighbor as ourselves. Any man who does that is religious, regardless of whether he knows it.

A mere man alone can easily be defeated, but a man alive with the power of God within him is invincible.

it is almost impossible to deal with a problem while it remains vague and nebulous.

prayer written by Saint Francis of Assisi seven hundred years ago: “Lord, make me an instrument of Thy Peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. Where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.”

remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.” Yes, and the more important a dog is, the more satisfaction people get in kicking him.

So when you are kicked and criticized, remember that it is often done because it gives the kicker a feeling of importance. It often means that you are accomplishing something and are worthy of attention. Many people get a sense of savage satisfaction out of denouncing those who are better educated than they are or more successful.

Schopenhauer had said it years ago: “Vulgar people take huge delight in the faults and follies of great men.”

Remember that unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.

realize now that people are not thinking about you and me or caring what is said about us. They are thinking about themselves—before breakfast, after breakfast, and right on until ten minutes past midnight. They would be a thousand times more concerned about a slight headache of their own than they would about the news of your death or mine.

“If my critic had known about all my other faults, he would have criticized me much more severely than he did.”

to Keep from Worrying About Criticism RULE 1: UNJUST CRITICISM IS OFTEN A DISGUISED COMPLIMENT. IT OFTEN MEANS THAT YOU HAVE AROUSED JEALOUSY AND ENVY. REMEMBER THAT NO ONE EVER KICKS A DEAD DOG. RULE 2: DO THE VERY BEST YOU CAN; AND THEN PUT UP YOUR OLD UMBRELLA AND KEEP THE RAIN OF CRITICISM FROM RUNNING DOWN THE BACK OF YOUR NECK. RULE 3: LET’S KEEP A RECORD OF THE FOOL THINGS WE HAVE DONE AND CRITICIZE OURSELVES. SINCE WE CAN’T HOPE TO BE PERFECT, LET’S DO WHAT E. H. LITTLE DID: LET’S ASK FOR UNBIASED, HELPFUL, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.

fatigue often produces worry, or, at least, it makes you susceptible to worry.

to prevent fatigue and worry, the first rule is: Rest often. Rest before you get tired.

When beating at a moderate rate of seventy pulses per minute, the heart is actually working only nine hours out of the twenty-four. In the aggregate its rest periods total a full fifteen hours per day.”

do what the Army does—take frequent rests. Do what your heart does—rest before you get tired, and you will add one hour a day to your waking life.

blood passing through the brain, when it is active, shows no fatigue at all!

most of our fatigue derives from our mental and emotional attitudes.

…Worry, tenseness, and emotional upsets are three of the biggest causes of fatigue. Often they are to blame when physical or mental work seems to be the cause…. Remember that a tense muscle is a working muscle. Ease up! Save energy for important duties.”

Learn to relax while you are doing your work!

Tension is a habit. Relaxing is a habit. And bad habits can be broken, good habits formed.

How do you relax? Do you start with your mind, or do you start with your nerves? You don’t start with either. You always begin to relax with your muscles!

The reason the eyes are so important in relieving nervous tension is that they burn up one fourth of all the nervous energies consumed by the body. That is also why so many people with perfectly sound vision suffer from “eyestrain.” They are tensing the eyes.

Relaxation is the absence of all tension and effort.

Check yourself four or five times a day, and say to yourself, “Am I making my work harder than it actually is? Am I using muscles that have nothing to do with the work I am doing?”

If I am tired, it is not because of the mental work I have done but because of the way I have done it.”

Keep a notebook or scrapbook for “inspirational” reading.

Good Working Habit No. 1: Clear Your Desk of All Papers Except Those Relating to the Immediate Problem at Hand.

Don’t Keep Putting off Decisions.

your emotional attitude usually has far more to do with producing fatigue than has physical exertion.

you act “as if” you are interested in your job, that bit of acting will tend to make your interest real. It will also tend to decrease your fatigue, your tensions, and your worries.

Give yourself a pep talk every day.”

It wasn’t insomnia that was killing Ira Sandner; it was his worry about it.

The first requisite for a good night’s sleep is a feeling of security. We need to feel that some power greater than ourselves will take care of us until morning.

Psalm XXIII: “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters….”

But if you are not religious, and have to do things the hard way, then learn to relax by physical measures.

No man ever committed suicide by refusing to sleep and no one ever will. Nature would force a man to sleep in spite of all his willpower. Nature will let us go without food or water far longer than she will let us go without sleep.

So, to keep from worrying about insomnia, here are five rules: 1. If you can’t sleep, do what Samuel Untermyer did. Get up and work or read until you do feel sleepy. 2. Remember that no one was ever killed by lack of sleep. Worrying about insomnia usually causes far more damage than sleeplessness. 3. Try prayer—or repeat Psalm XXIII, as Jeanette MacDonald did. 4. Relax your body. 5. Exercise. Get yourself so physically tired you can’t stay awake.

Six Ways to Prevent Fatigue and Worry and Keep Your Energy and Spirits High RULE 1: REST BEFORE YOU GET TIRED. RULE 2: LEARN TO RELAX AT YOUR WORK. RULE 3: LEARN TO RELAX AT HOME. RULE 4: APPLY THESE FOUR GOOD WORKING HABITS: a. Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem at hand. b. Do things in the order of their importance. c. When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts necessary to make a decision. d. Learn to organize, deputize, and supervise. RULE 5: TO PREVENT WORRY AND FATIGUE, PUT ENTHUSIASM INTO YOUR WORK. RULE 6: REMEMBER, NO ONE WAS EVER KILLED BY LACK OF SLEEP. IT IS WORRYING ABOUT INSOMNIA THAT DOES THE DAMAGE—NOT THE INSOMNIA.

I had often heard people say that ninety-nine per cent of the things we worry and stew and fret about never happen,

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Ask yourself: How do I KNOW this thing I am worrying about will really come to pass?