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May 27 - May 28, 2025
“Wake up, you stupid motherfucker. People are waiting for whatever annoying bullshit you have in store for them today.” I’m trying not to smile. I kind of like that he’s listening. “Your hapless minions await whatever stupid bullshit flows from your meteoric mind.”
Baby animals all have large eyes and big foreheads because adult mammals are hardwired to consider it cute and feed them. It’s pure, vicious survival.
With clumsy movements, I take off my bra and toss it out of ripping range. Because, bra shopping.
The next thing I know, she’s whispering into my ear. “Wake up, motherfucker.”
“And I’m moving in three weeks.” I still. “Three weeks?” “I’m moving back to Fargo.” You can’t, I’m about to say. I just found you. I won’t let you.
“What is this?” I ask. The waiter gives me a long explanation that basically means not sugar. “Do you have sugar?” “I’m sorry, no,” he says. I thank him and eye the little dish of sugar’s un-fun cousin.
And I lie there loving everything about her so hard that it wakes her up.
I love you, she mouths. I whisper it back. I love you. Because we’re two dragon fighters, traipsing through life together. Falling off the map together.

