Emotionally Healthy Discipleship: Moving from Shallow Christianity to Deep Transformation

by Peter Scazzero

My prayer for you is that God will meet you in new ways as you journey through these pages, equipping you and your ministry to lead from a place of transformation in ways that increasingly cause the earth to “be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the Lord (Jesus) as the waters cover the sea” (Habakkuk 2:14).

In the process, I’ve become convinced that implementing a robust and in-depth discipleship for our people requires that we address at least four fundamental failures: 1. We tolerate emotional immaturity. 2. We emphasize doing for God over being with God. 3. We ignore the treasures of church history. 4. We define success wrongly. It’s vital that we understand the background and implications of each failure. Why? Because apart from a clear understanding of the depth of our situation, we will not stick with the long-term solution required to fully address the widespread damage these failures are causing in our churches.

beginning with the roots of a discipleship system that too often results in people who are less whole, less human, and less like Jesus, rather than more whole, more human, and more like Jesus.4

In other words, if those around us consistently experience us as unapproachable, cold, unsafe, defensive, rigid, or judgmental, Scripture declares us spiritually immature. The most radical expression of Jesus’ teaching about love was also one of his most fundamental principles: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. . . . If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?” (Matthew 5:44, 46). For Jesus, enemies were not interruptions to the spiritual life, but often the very means by which we might experience deeper communion with God. That is one of the reasons he issued stern warnings such as, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1).5 Jesus knew how easy it would be for us to avoid the difficult work of loving people.

Ignoring our emotions is turning our back on reality; listening to our emotions ushers us into reality. And reality is where we meet God . . . Emotions are the language of the soul. They are the cry that gives the heart a voice. . . . However, we often turn a deaf ear—through emotional denial, distortion, or disengagement. . . . In neglecting our intense emotions, we are false to ourselves and lose a wonderful opportunity to know God.10

One of the greatest challenges for every ministry leader is how to balance our doing for God and our being with him.

You may be asking: “If success by the numbers isn’t necessarily success, what is?” Here’s how I would answer that question: Success, according to Scripture, is becoming the person God calls you to become, and doing what God calls you to do–in his way, and according to his timetable. What this means is that it is possible for a ministry or organization to be growing numerically and yet actually failing. And that your ministry and numbers may be declining and yet actually be succeeding!

An emotionally healthy disciple refers to a person who rejects busyness and hurry in order to reorient their entire life around their personal relationship with Jesus, developing rhythms, setting limits, and following him wherever he leads. At the same time, they intentionally open the depths of their interior life—their history, their disorientations, their areas of brokenness, and their relationships—to be changed by Jesus. And they are deeply aware how everything they have and all they are is a gift. So they carry a profound awareness of stewarding their talents as a gift to bless the world for Jesus.

Too many followers of Jesus are chronically overextended and doing more for Jesus than their inner life with him can sustain.

A person who practices being before doing operates from a place of emotional and spiritual fullness, deeply aware of themselves, others, and God. As a result, their being with God is sufficient to sustain their doing for God.

Spiritual fullness reveals itself in a healthy balance between their being with God and their doing for God. They are careful not to engage in more activities than their spiritual, physical, and emotional reserves can sustain. They receive from God more than they do for him. They enjoy the Jesus they share with others.

They recognize their presence—with God, themselves, and others—is their greatest gift and contribution to those they lead. Because of this, they carry an unrelenting commitment to not allow their doing to exceed their being.

When Jesus selected the Twelve to be his inner circle, he followed the same pattern, requiring that they be with him before doing active ministry for him: “He appointed twelve that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach and to have authority to drive out demons” (Mark 3:14–15, emphasis added).

A leadership culture committed to being before doing slows down the discipleship process and radically shifts priorities.

These three statements summarize this be-before-you-do approach to ministry: 1. You cannot give what you do not possess. 2. What you do is important, but who you are is even more important. 3. The state you are in is the state you give to others. They’re easy to preach and teach, but challenging to live out.

In order to be with God before doing for God, we need to: make a radical decision, feel our feelings, integrate silence, and commune with Jesus throughout the day.

possible: Integrating silence and stillness utterly transforms the way we follow Jesus and the way we lead.

In prayer, we surrender our desire for control, approval, and security.

rejecting earthly popularity is essential for following the crucified Jesus and engaging in deeply transformative discipleship with him. But we also need to do the same thing with the world’s idea of greatness.

The pathway Jesus calls us to walk is an intentional move away from greatness-ism to being little or lowly. Jesus said, “Whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:4). Such lowliness is not abasement, self-deprecation, or a martyr complex. Instead, it is a humility that expresses itself in a willingness to be curious, open, flexible, and teachable—regardless of the title or position we hold. In other words, we do not always need to be in charge. In conversations, we don’t engage in impression management to cover our weaknesses in the hope that people will think we are somebody. Nor do we limit the kinds of people from whom we can learn or by whom we can be led.

there are three essential and biblical practices you can use to begin your journey: relax in Jesus, detach for Jesus, and listen to Jesus.