Just Last Night

by Mhairi McFarlane

This is what I never knew about loss—it’s also about what you gain. You carry a weight that you never had before. It’s never behind you. It’s alongside you.

I notice, once again, that company that’s not the right fit for you is so much lonelier than being happily alone.

I see now why those who lose loved ones young become risk-takers. They’re not reckless, they just see the stakes differently from the rest of us. More clearly. They don’t have the same blithe trust in tomorrow that we all do, they know it’s all up for grabs. Ignorance is bliss.

I sense recovery may be buried somewhere in laughter.

“It’s like my whole life was about traveling back to you.”