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Loving him was just the beginning. In a way, it was the death of me.
And thirdly, most importantly, I was indisputably and irretrievably in love with a mafia Don, a man who could and most certainly had killed people with his big, bare hands. A man by the name of Dante Salvatore. A man who had changed my entire world.
With Dante, I felt my edges blurring, my whole being smudged like a watercolor painting into the edges of him and his.
“I want to be the one to make you lose control. I want to watch you bend and break beneath my hands so I can glue you back together with pleasure.”
“There has never been another man for you,” he said fiercely, eyes flashing up to mine and filled with primal possession. “I am the only one to touch you this way, to bring you this pleasure. Forget the past, Elena, because I am the only man in your future.”
Only with you do I feel like fucking you, marking you, owning you with my body and my cum. I’m going to paint you with it right now so you know you’re mine. Mine to fuck. Mine to cherish. Mine to love.”
“Partner? Mmm, I don’t think so. I like the sound of… my lover, my woman, innamorata mia, amora mia.” My love, my heart.
Owning the heart of a man like Dante Salvatore didn’t make me weak, it made me strong. I was proud to be seen as his because I was proud of the man he was and the woman he helped me to become.
“You don’t understand this yet, but you do not need your armor all the time now. Not when you have me.” He lipped the edge of my jaw all the way up to my ear, where he spoke his next words on a purr. “I will be your sword.”
Dante’s love had razed me to the very ground of my soul, demolishing all my preconceived notions of right and wrong, even of my own identity and desires.
I was a man who only feared one thing, which I was learning was infinitely more dangerous than a man who feared nothing. I would not lose Elena. Not for anything. Not for my bloody kingdom and stacks of crisp bills. Not for my honor or my family, my Italian ideals. She was it. Mine. Forever.
Elena was fire encased in a hard shell of ice. One wrong word and her cutting tongue would reduce a man to ribbons; one wrong move and her flames would raze him to the ground.
Chi vuole male a questo amore prima soffre e dopo muore. Whoever is against this love suffers and then dies.
“I’ve told you, Elena, whatever you and I are made of, it is the same. No one exists for me but you. No one makes you come alive but me.”
“Your capo. There is no one else. Only me. Only you. Only us.”
“But not for a baby of ours. Not when he or she will have you as their shield and me their sword.”
I have the tendency to ruin every good thing I’ve ever had. And you are undoubtedly the best of them.”
“Io sonno con te.”
“I realized that I need to stop being a passive participant in my own life. I think I’ve been the victim too long. I want to be the kind of woman who fights for what she wants. And I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want you.”
Dante was home, so no matter what, I would never be homeless. I’d have his shelter, his protection, and his love to guide me through the worst of life and the worst of myself.
“It is a privilege, Elena, to know you intimately. To know what makes you hurt and what makes you blush. To know what your demons are so I can slay them for you when you don’t have the strength or watch you overcome your own nightmares because I love to watch my fighter conquer everything in her path. It is an honor to know you, and I won’t ever take that for granted.”
“You aren’t my lawyer anymore, Elena. Tu sei la mia regina.” You are my queen.
Watching my lover torture a man was a scenario I’d never thought up for myself.
I was lost in him, less myself and more myself than I had ever been.
“You wreck me,” he grunted, hips knifing forward to thrust even harder into my hand. “From the inside out. You fucking wreck me.”
“Because you’re Elena and I’m Dante,” I corrected. “I belong at your side just the same.”
I know what to expect, Dante. The assassination attempts in the middle of the night, car chases across Staten Island, kidnappings. I know, and I’m ready. Because between all of the chaos, there’s you. And to me, there’s nothing better in this world than you.”
“All your life, men have hurt you. I didn’t understand until now. Seamus, Christopher, Daniel. None of them showed you how goddamn tragically beautiful you are, Elena. But I will. I’ll prove it to you every single day until I die, mi senti?”
“This beats for you. It bleeds for you. I am yours. Your sword, your champion, your lover, and your home. You don’t understand this yet, but I will never hurt you, Elena. I only ever hurt for you because fuck me, you’ve been through too much already. I will only ever hurt those who hurt you because I love you, and I won’t let anyone else ever get away with putting pain in your heart without consequences. Mi senti?” Do you hear me?
“Cuore mia, my heart breaks for you,” he whispered raggedly before kissing the tears from my cheeks. “I won’t let yours break again.”
He was my drug. Even after taking a hit, I craved more with an intensity that was next to madness.
“A Don and his Donna.”
Was it impossible to find a man who hadn’t loved one of my sisters first? Was I always destined to be second choice?
What happened when two villains fell in love? Was there a happily-ever-after for people like us? I wasn’t sure, and uncharacteristically, I didn’t care. The only thing I knew for sure was that Dante made me feel so alive I burned, and I wanted to spend every single chaotic, beautiful day of the rest of my life smoldering at his side.
“This is too surreal,” I told her honestly. “I feel as if I’m in a dream.” “Good. It’s about time some of those came true for you.”
“Crying is the body's way of expressing emotion that’s too big for words. It doesn’t make you weak, Lena, and I’m happy to hear you’re just feeling again.”
“Before you, I was empty and cold, a locked room in the deepest dungeon. Now, I can breathe again, feel again, burn again.
I was whole for the first time since I was sixteen.
“Some people have hobbies, art, music, playing sport. Mine is learning you.”
You told me I was your hero, but I hope you know, Lena, you are my hero too.”
Life was messy and imperfect, and I was just a part of that. A little resentment and bitterness didn’t make me a bitch. It just made me human.
A lot of people would have said loving Dante condemned me to hell. The truth was, loving him saved my life. Because he reminded me what it was like to be alive. What really mattered.
“Ciao, mio piccolo capo e mia piccola donna,”
