Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues

by Carole Robin

you might want to look for opportunities to support them in more fully expressing their emotions. How do you know if they have understated their feelings? In a sense, you don’t, but you can make a guess based on their tone, their nonverbal cues, and noticing when the intensity of the situation doesn’t match the feelings being expressed. Ben picked up on Liam’s agitation. Ben empathized by saying, “You really sound upset,” which encouraged Liam to more fully express the depth of his anger. Unfortunately, rather than continuing to listen for and reflect back Liam’s feelings, which might have encouraged more self-disclosure, Ben did the opposite. He asked a series of logical questions that pulled Liam out of his feelings and into rational responses