We saw in the chapter on volcanic events that a swift and sincere apology can be important “first aid” to repair the relationship. Among people in long-term estrangements, however, there is often a desire for something broader: an apology for how the entire relationship was conducted. Indeed, what some people want is for the relative to apologize for being the person he or she is. The issue is not one of “Apologize for this thing you did to me.” Rather, the demand is “Apologize for how you have treated me for my entire life.” It is asking others to abandon their lifelong narratives, to which
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