How is it possible to both describe relationship-long conflict and a volcanic incident while simultaneously feeling that one is entirely in the dark as to the causes of the estrangement? The psychological research on defensiveness provides an answer. Defensiveness encourages us to selectively edit information we receive, treating as “facts” events that help protect our self-esteem, and discounting those that may threaten a positive perception of ourselves. As a rift deepens, both sides come to believe that they possess the truth. Bridging the gap in hardened viewpoints becomes a daunting task.
