A Warning

by Anonymous

Whether you are there for a tour, or whether you work for the president, it is hard to shake this quiet feeling of reverence, no matter how many times you enter the room. That is, until the silence is broken. “It’s a hellhole, okay? They don’t let you say ‘shithole’ anymore. But that place is a hellhole and everybody knows it.” “Watch them start to choke like dogs.” “This place is kind of sexy, isn’t it?” “I don’t fucking care. Ooh ooh ‘excuses, excuses.’ Just stick it to them. I promise you, they will be kissing our asses afterwards.” “I’m hotter than I was then, okay? Because you know you also cool off, right? You do. But I’m much hotter.” “It is very unfair to me. And it’s presidential harassment frankly. You can’t harass a president.” “Sweetie, your face looked very tired on television. Have you lost weight?” “I think I’ve done more than any other first-term president ever.” “If you’re going to cough, please leave the room…Do you agree with the cough?” “I think it’s probably, uh, I want them to think whatever they think, they do say, I mean, I’ve seen and I’ve read and I’ve heard, and I did have one very brief meeting on it. But people are saying they’re seeing UFOs, do I believe it? Not particularly.” “We have the worst laws and the stupidest judges.” “This guy, have you seen him? ‘My Pillow.’ He’s unbelievable. He buys all the airtime on TV. It’s terrific. And he’s a big, big Trump supporter.” “This is one of the great inventions of all times—TiVo.” “You’re saying it...