The Tragedy of Heterosexuality

by Jane Ward

In my now forty-five years as an observer of the straight world, I have noted that it appears to be perfectly acceptable for straight couples to share few interests, to belittle or infantilize each other, or to willingly segregate themselves during important moments in their relationships. Straight couples experience significant rites of passage like weddings and baby showers nearly separate from each other, even though these rituals, at least theoretically, are intended to signify something about the evolution of their partnerships. Many straight women spend dozens of hours planning each detail of their weddings or baby showers or baby gender-reveal parties, while straight men keep their distance from the very rituals that are intended to mark important moments in their lives. In no way do I intend to imply that couples should spend every minute together, but if we held straight couples to basic standards of good friendship—mutual respect and affection and a sense of comfort and bondedness based on shared experience—many straight relationships would fail the test.