The Tragedy of Heterosexuality

by Jane Ward

Heteronormativity is not a neutral cultural formation organized around a natural, freely occurring sexual preference but an obligatory system structuring many of the world’s societies, a system “that has had to be imposed, managed, organized, propagandized and maintained by force.”44 As one comrade explains above, straight rituals feel like they “require the participation of all [people] engaged around them,” including queer people. This is because heteronormative rituals—coming-of-age parties, engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelor/ette parties, weddings, gender-reveal parties, baby showers, elaborately gendered children’s birthday parties, Valentine’s Day, anniversary parties—are the accepted traditions offered to all of us to celebrate passage through life. Heteronormative rituals shape how we understand the difference between youth and adulthood, success and failure, loneliness and connectedness. In straight culture, if women don’t get married and have children and figure out how to stay attractive and keep their man, a cascade of tragic temporal consequences ensues: the clock is ticking, the window is closing, youthful beauty is fading, expensive interventions are needed. By contrast, while many of these heteronormative demands try to push their creepy tendrils into lesbian feminist culture, there remains considerable room for a feminist dyke to assert her disinterest in having children as a point of queer pride (“No breeders!”) and to experience deep love and c...