In the past, I have lost my connection to life, to wanting to live, thought it didn’t much matter if I was here or not, and so it didn’t much matter how I treated myself or others. When I was in that phase of ambiguous commitment to life, I took risks with my mind and body that I couldn’t imagine taking now. I practiced cynicism and hopelessness, as if they were the measures of humor, of intelligence. It was a brief phase of my life, but during that time I believed in nothing.5
