Yolk

by Mary H.K. Choi

I overhear people complaining all the time about the city, how it’s busy, that the din of traffic makes it impossible to hear their own thoughts. This is precisely why Texas scares me. The silence makes my thoughts too noisy to bear.

wondering how it would feel to be touched by my mother without bracing for criticism.

There’s that Maya Angelou quote how people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

I Googled this to see if I could find the actual quote. It is "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel" but according to this (https://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/04/06/they-feel/) it’s likely not by her. Honestly, I couldn’t make heads or tails of this but it was interesting to look into.

Secrets are like wishes. Everyone knows they don’t work if you tell. But if you really want them to gain power, you can’t acknowledge that they even exist.

“It’s when you really don’t want to ask for help that you might need it the most.”

“Every time someone hurts you, you find a way to hurt yourself ten times worse.”

“People aren’t abandoning you just because they go.”

“I always thought that if I just did everything the way she told me to, or the way she’d do it, that she’d love me more.”

Manufactured urgency is their absolute favorite emotion. I get it. Control feels good no matter how small the triumph.

The violence of communicating with my sister is outrageous.

Your whole thing about being fun and effervescent convinced me, until you effervesced all over the place and shit got dark so fast.”

I think how unfair it is that men get to look the same all the time. That they don’t have to experience the rude shock of their appearance unadorned and without makeup.

When he presses into me, I don’t feel invaded.

“Never trust anything that bleeds for seven days and doesn’t die,”

Shit I’ve been bleeding for 6 months, what does that say about me 😂

My sister and I have been tormented by our bodies in different ways.

Have you ever considered that it isn’t a place that will improve your life? That there is no such thing as a geographic cure?”

I know it’s spoiled and reckless, but for a moment I’m jealous of June’s cancer. There’s such powerful recognition in the diagnosis. Everybody respects cancer. Being sick with cancer would explain my sadness, my sickness, my anxiety, and the horrible suspicion that everyone in the world was born with a user’s manual or a guide to personal happiness but me.

It’s perverse how Americans need their cartoon turkeys to seem thrilled at the prospect of being eaten. You’d think they’d slap googly eyes and cartoon smiles on smallpox blankets to go with them.

I tried to blame her for everything when all she did was remind me of the ugliest parts of me.

“It’s no one’s fault. Cancer’s just a motherfucking son-of-a-whore,”