Help Is On the Way

by Mindy Kaling

“Never complain, never explain” is the old saying, and my mother completely embodied it. Me, on the other hand? I love complaining. Almost as much as I love explaining! If I could just kvetch and give disclaimers all day, I would be so happy.

I had read the baby books, of course, but could remember literally nothing but one fact: “babies are born without kneecaps.” What the hell was I supposed to do with that information? Invite some gangster to take retribution against me by kneecapping my baby and then laugh when he realizes it’s physically impossible? That was no good to me; I would have needed to lay the groundwork ages ago!