Help Is On the Way

by Mindy Kaling

I had read the baby books, of course, but could remember literally nothing but one fact: “babies are born without kneecaps.” What the hell was I supposed to do with that information? Invite some gangster to take retribution against me by kneecapping my baby and then laugh when he realizes it’s physically impossible? That was no good to me; I would have needed to lay the groundwork ages ago!