Help Is On the Way

by Mindy Kaling

I was definitely expecting pregnancy to make me bounce-house size.

I hadn’t overachieved this much since high school, and I was loving this vibe for myself.

Lauren is also a walking Yelp.

Two thoughts: am I Lauren and can I get a Lauren in my life? 😂

You know your friend who simply goes through life paying better attention? That’s Lauren.

I am actually a person who hates making choices.

I was hoping for someone with the personality of Hagrid but who looked like Cicely Tyson.

(I told myself I was paying one dollar per character James McAvoy played . . . and that, reader, was money well spent.)

About the movie Split, lol

Sometimes I would remember Rose and panic that she’d forgotten about me. I’d wait until a holiday—so as to not appear too thirsty—and send her little themed texts. “Happy Halloween, Rose! Hope you’re having a spooky day! [ghost emoji] I can’t wait to see you in a few months [pumpkin emoji, pregnant woman emoji].” And then at Thanksgiving: “Happy Thanksgiving, Rose! [turkey emoji] [fall leaves emoji] I can’t wait to see you soon, once the baby is here, and you’re helping me take care of her! [nervous face emoji]” She would always respond that she was excited to see me and God bless me, and my nervousness would go away.

What the hell was I supposed to do with that information? Invite some gangster to take retribution against me by kneecapping my baby and then laugh when he realizes it’s physically impossible? That

😂😂😅 what the heck lol

She had the kind of work ethic that reminded me of my mother, for whom nothing was more important than being professional and showing dedication.