Help Is On the Way

by Mindy Kaling

“Never complain, never explain” is the old saying, and my mother completely embodied it. Me, on the other hand? I love complaining. Almost as much as I love explaining! If I could just kvetch and give disclaimers all day, I would be so happy.

I hadn’t overachieved this much since high school, and I was loving this vibe for myself.

You know your friend who simply goes through life paying better attention? That’s Lauren.

She leaned back and took a long sip of her coffee, which is universal friend body language for, You’re a complete fucking idiot.

I’m not a chef! I start off making a pad thai–type dish and ruin it by adding marinara sauce. I should not be given that much power.

I dislike FaceTime because I can never tell if someone is on the toilet or not,

I told her I was not a screamer, and that my vibe was more passive-aggressive sighing.

“She’s worked hard her whole life. It’s good she has such nice things.”