Please Like Me (But Keep Away)

by Mindy Kaling

I was never popular, but I was friendly and chubby (therefore harmless), and that went a long way.

The phrase “cheese is cheese” was playing in a loop in my head as I retreated to my room, where I shut the door and cried. Cheese is not cheese. Orange cheese wrapped in cellophane is all-American, proud, and confident. White cheese is cowardly and fraudulent.

"The phrase “cheese is cheese” was playing in a loop in my head as I retreated to my room, where I shut the door and cried. Cheese is not cheese. Orange cheese wrapped in cellophane is all-American, proud, and confident. White cheese is cowardly and fraudulent." I don't know why, but this paragraph had me almost in tears I was laughing so hard.

I also genuinely believed that my classmates’ like or dislike of white cheese would determine their overall judgment of my total being. Forever. Part of it is that I am pretty judgmental myself, and always have been.

Neuroscience - If you choose to be judgemental of others you train your brain in the importance of tribalism, comparison, competition, good/bad, right/wrong, my way/their way. It comes back to bite you when it Reticular Activation leads to toxic comparison/competition/perfectionism, which leads to you becoming anxious/neurotic/depressed because you'll always fall short of perceived ideals.

For a socially anxious person, it is both flattering and disconcerting to be asked into the holy sacrament of best friendship by a total stranger.

Oh, sweetie, you have no idea. I don’t leave my house.

you can be famous and still be shy, a plain old introvert, or even a person with social

confusing, because I love, even crave, the company of my friends and family. But if I don’t know the people well or have control over the situation, I feel uncomfortable and

Catastrophizing is my general approach to all social events: how, when, and why it will implode are the first things I think about when I’m throwing a party. And that all takes time!

the fantasy friendship I believed they had wasn’t exactly real. I was surprised by how none of the women spoke truly candidly about anything.

My barometer for making friends is that you can’t get to know someone by hearing about everything they like—you need to hear about what they don’t like. It’s only when you are willing to go out on a limb by admitting you’re not a fan of something that you’re vulnerable enough to earn my trust.

My suspicion was that they were worried their honest opinions would somehow be leaked by their frien...

My mind would race nervously with questions: What is she thinking about me? Does she secretly not like me? Does she think I don’t like her? Does she not respect me? Does she know I don’t respect her?

So these could've been perfectly lovely women who genuinely liked her & each other, but Makings neurosis & perception influenced by said neurosis torched any friendship before it began.

eventually I would see them at a party and we wouldn’t even say hi to each other. It didn’t bother me. So my second realization was that I would rather be lonely than be friends with non-friends. Losing friends is hard, but losing fake friends, as it turns out, is pretty damn easy.

But if they were never really "fake friends," then Making & her own insecurities/discomfort just threw their friendship away & created her (Kalin's) own dark cave of loneliness.