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Part of it is that I am pretty judgmental myself, and always have been.
It’s confusing, because I love, even crave, the company of my friends and family. But if I don’t know the people well or have control over the situation, I feel uncomfortable and tense.
What about the twenty minutes of nervous pacing before people arrived?
The problem was I didn’t want just anyone’s company. I wanted the company of funny, smart, like-minded people. That’s when I realized something about myself: I would rather be lonely than bored.
It’s only when you are willing to go out on a limb by admitting you’re not a fan of something that you’re vulnerable enough to earn my trust.
So my second realization was that I would rather be lonely than be friends with non-friends. Losing friends is hard, but losing fake friends, as it turns out, is pretty damn easy.
He knows I crave company but don’t like most people.
