Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess: 5 Simple, Scientifically Proven Steps to Reduce Anxiety, Stress, and Toxic Thinking

by Caroline Leaf

Man can alter his life by altering his thinking. WILLIAM JAMES

When you think, you will feel, and when you think and feel, you will choose. These three aspects always work together. This is the mind-in-action.

A thought itself is the concept, the big idea. Thoughts have memories, like trees have branches. There are three types of memories in a thought: information, emotions, and physical sensations.

During the day you think, feel, and choose to build new thoughts into your mind and brain; at night you think, feel, and choose to sort out the thoughts you have built during the day, which provides the content for dreams.

Self-regulation is the overarching catalyst of successful mind-management—and is your brain’s favorite exercise! When we don’t self-regulate, we will suffer mentally and physically.

There are three types of memories in a thought: Informational memories are all the details: particulars, facts, data, associations, links, and so on associated with that thought. These are like the branches on a thought tree. Emotional memories are the feelings associated with the information memories. These are like the leaves on the branches of a thought three. Physical memories are the physical embodiments of the sensations experienced at the time the thought was built, which are coupled with the emotional memories and informational memories. These are built into every cell of our body and are reexperienced when we recall the information and feeling memories, because these three parts of the thought are inseparable.

thought is the big concept: the whole tree with branches, leaves, and roots.

branches and leaves are how you express your memories as your conscious thinking, feeling, and choosing, which produce your behaviors and your communication (what you are saying and doing) and all of which manifest your lifestyle choices.

trunk represents the subconscious level and your perspective, which includes the physical and emotional signals you experience, such as that lurch of anticipation when you hear exciting news, that sense of happiness or joy that makes you bounce out of bed, or...

The exciting thing is that you are the director and designer of this process! You shape what you have built, and you can change what is not working or what is having a negative effect in your life. Toxic thought trees like trauma and bad habits can be built and broken down and rebuilt—toxic trees aren’t your destiny.

According to anesthesiologist and researcher Professor Stuart Hamerhoff, we have conscious bursts of activity around forty times a second, which is our thinking, feeling, and choosing, or our mind-in-action.1

We have an estimated six of these conscious bursts per minute, around 360 per hour (6 x 60), and 8,460 every twenty-four hours (360 x 24).

We can harness the power of our thinking in tangible, sustainable ways.

Thoughts are located in three different places: in your brain, in your mind, and in the cells of your body.

Our thinking, feeling, and choosing change the thoughts and the impact these thoughts have on the body. This is called epigenetics.

Epigenetics is what switches the genes on and off. Epi means “above” or “over,” so epigenetics is over and above the genes.

Whatever we think about the most grows, because we are giving it energy.

The mind is divided into the conscious mind (fully aware when you are awake), the nonconscious mind (works 24/7), and the subconscious mind (just-aware level).

We don’t need to be held captive to our thoughts; instead, we can “c...

Whatever you experience in your mind will also be experienced in your brain and body. The toxic energy from toxic thoughts accumulates if it isn’t dealt with, and will eventually explode, affecting the way we th...

Dealing with our toxic thoughts and traumas means that all this swirling, chaotic, toxic energy needs to be transferred from the negative thought to the reconceptualized, healthy tho...

There are basically two ways of managing the mind: reactively, which generally ends up being messy, or proactively, which is how we clean up our mental mess.

When you understand the why, the how becomes so much easier.

TABLE 3. The Divisions of the Mind Conscious Mind Fully aware, awake when we’re awake, and functions best when we’re deliberate, intentional, actively self-regulated, and proactive. Subconscious Mind “Just aware” level where thoughts move from the nonconscious to the conscious mind. Nonconscious Mind The swirling, high-energy powerhouse that works 24/7, where all memories are stored. It’s our wisdom and intelligence. It involves a dynamic, self-regulated process that is the potent and effectual driving force behind our communication and behavior. It’s always online working with the conscious when the conscious mind is awake. It’s in constant conversation with the subconscious mind, working to bring balance and clean up our mental mess. Unconscious Mind This is not a division of the mind, per se, but rather something that can be done to your mind. When you get knocked out, for example, from a concussion, drinking too much, or being anesthetized for surgery, you become unconscious.

you can change only what you are conscious of.

We balance the toxic energy with the positive energy as we embrace, process, and reconceptualize our thoughts.

Dealing with our toxic thoughts and traumas means that all this swirling, chaotic, toxic energy needs to be transferred from the negative thought to the reconceptualized, healthy thought in order to restore balance and coherence to the mind.

our nonconscious mind is like a first-class housekeeper: it’s always looking for toxic disturbances, rooting them out, and dropping hints into the subconscious mind through emotional and physical warning signals.

All thoughts with their informational and emotional memories can be reconsolidated when we’re conscious of them; that is, when we recall them from the nonconscious mind.

Whatever we think about the most grows because we’re giving it energy.

Mental energy sucks others in. Think of hanging out with someone who’s constantly depressed or negative and how you feel around them. Fear breeds fear. The fearful mind generates fearful probabilities. The depressed mind generates depressing possibilities. But the same can be said for the positive.

You cannot defeat darkness by running from it, nor can you conquer your inner demons by hiding them from the world. In order to defeat the darkness, you must bring it into the light. SETH ADAM SMITH

In the age of technology there is constant access to vast amounts of information. The basket overflows; people get overwhelmed; the eye of the storm is not so much what goes on in the world, it is the confusion of how to think, feel, digest, and react to what goes on. CRISS JAMI

Most of us know the basics of living a good lifestyle. We need to have good habits like connecting with others in deep and meaningful ways, eating real food mindfully, exercising regularly, and managing stress to be healthy.

The foundational principles of this mind-management tool, the Neurocycle, are embracing, processing, and reconceptualizing, and the 5 Steps are your “surgical instruments” for doing so. Step 1 (Gather) involves embracing the toxic thought, habit, or trauma (cutting open with the scalpel). Steps 2 and 3 (Reflect and Write) are the processing steps (performing the surgery). Steps 4 and 5 (Recheck and Active Reach) are the reconceptualizing steps (closing up and healing). Embracing means acknowledging, facing, accepting, and willingly and mindfully gathering awareness of the emotional and physical warning signals your brain and body send you. Processing is the “mental autopsy” part of the mental surgery. It entails deep, intentional, and focused thinking, which forces the conscious mind and nonconscious mind to connect. Reconceptualizing means redesigning the thinking, feeling, and choosing behind the thought by learning from the lessons of the past. When you reconceptualize a thought, you’re examining the information, emotions, and choices that led to that thought. In doing this, you’re looking at what happened or what you were thinking from a new angle, another perspective that makes it manageable, so that you no longer feel crippled by pain—the level of your emotional distress changes.

Here are some simple tips to make the embracing a little more palatable. Acknowledge that emotions, thoughts, trauma, and past experiences are not your identity. For example, you’re challenging the feelings of shame, not saying you are shame. Accept that pain is a nonnegotiable when doing the work to heal. Tell yourself that it will end eventually, even if it doesn’t feel like it will in the moment. Always remember that you’re never alone in this journey and that you deserve the love and support your loved ones give you as you reach out and ask for help. Remind yourself of past tough experiences you have overcome despite fear or uncertainty. Keep in mind that this painful part won’t last forever, and the sooner you learn to embrace it, the sooner you will move through it. And most exciting of all—as soon as you embrace it, the thought has weakened and is in the process of change—even if it doesn’t feel like it. Our nervous system and nonconscious change before we’re conscious of this change and experiencing it in our life.

Not embracing your feelings doesn’t make them go away. If they don’t come out, they’ll go into your body, cells, DNA, and mind and will explode in volcanic mode at some point—there’s

The goal of reconceptualization is to illuminate the change and honor the process of being human and going through life. It is not a Band-Aid on a deep wound, it’s not like the process of tattoo removal, it’s not the creation of a competing “correct” thought that if you think of it often enough will take precedence over the toxic thought. Reconceptualization is the recognition and removal of the chains that bind you to the past—it’s the trial becoming the testimony. It’s incorporating your story, which is now redesigned (with the pain accepted and neutralized); it’s not ignoring or suppressing what you’ve gone through but rather honoring the past for the growth it has brought into your life and incorporating this change into your day-to-day living.

Going Deeper into the 5 Steps of the Neurocycle

The easiest way to understand the 5 Steps is to look back at the thought tree in chapter 7 alongside the image below.

1. Self-Regulation

self-regulation is the conscious awareness and regulation of: what and how you are thinking, feeling, and choosing at any one moment in time; your long-term established thoughts with their embedded physical, emotional, and informational memories; and your communication with others (what you say and do) and how it impacts both yourself and others.

We also don’t want to shift into a hypovigilant state, where we suppress too much or become too reactive. These both happen when we don’t apply mind-management appropriately to our situation. Below are some signs you are becoming hyper- or hypovigilant. Knowing certain signs will help you catch yourself before it’s too late. Signs of hypervigilance: Having a hovering feeling of anxiety Being unable to relax even when doing relaxing things Battling to daydream or just think Watching people closely, looking for signs they will do or say something wrong Feeling a constant sense of unease Being very jumpy Distrusting everyone Always seeing the negative in people and situations and not being able to accept or enjoy when good things happen Fighting to focus in conversations Avoiding facing issues by using distractions Having nightmares and vivid dreams that feel very real Signs of hypovigilance: Suppressing feelings often and for long periods of time, then overreacting and exploding at a seemingly tiny trigger Having no filters in conversation Failing to notice the impact of words and actions on others Failing to learn from mistakes

2. The 30–90 Second Rule—the “Regret Zone”

The goal of this 30–90 Second Rule is to help you get into a sharp, clear, and focused state of mind, one that is open to options, possibilities, and solutions. Here are a few things you can do in those seconds: Do some deep belly breathing—at least ten rounds. Go into a different room and just yell at the top of your lungs or as loud as you can for as long as you can. Do something physical like a few sprints, jumping jacks, burpees, anything to channel the stress and intense emotions. If you can’t do any of the above, imagine the person in front of you shrinking down to ant size. Remember, even if a thought or emotion feels urgent and is demanding a response from you, you are the boss. You don’t need to respond to every emotion, word, or action.

3. The Quantum Zeno Effect (QZE)

The two important keys to preventing negative thoughts from becoming toxic thoughts are: Follow up all negative thoughts with three positive thoughts to avoid ruminating and spiraling into a cycle of negativity. Set a time limit on how long you spend focusing on the negative. Under five minutes is what I would recommend.