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two kinds of grief.
“complicated grief,” which was also known in the literature as “pathological bereavement”
“Was the bereaved actually very dependent upon the deceased person for pleasure, support, or esteem?”
new “ethical duty to enjoy oneself,” a novel “imperative to do nothing which might diminish the enjoyment of others.”
to give social admiration to the bereaved who hide their grief so fully that no one would guess anything had happened.”
“A single person is missing for you, and the whole world is empty,” Philippe Ariès
I could not count the times during the average day when something would come up that I needed to tell him. This impulse did not end with his death. What ended was the possibility of response. I read something in the paper that I would normally have read to him. I notice some change in the neighborhood that would interest him:
A partner vows to bear witness to our lives, as insignificant as a single person may be, they promise we are significant to them.
I would not for example have experienced, when I heard that Julia Child had died, so distinct a relief, so marked a sense that this was finally working out: John and Julia Child could have dinner together
If the Broken Man comes I’ll hang onto the fence and won’t let him take me.
The craziness is receding but no clarity is taking its place.
