Listen for the messages in the following examples: “You learned that so quickly! You’re so smart!” “Look at that drawing. Martha, is he the next Picasso or what?” “You’re so brilliant, you got an A without even studying!” If you’re like most parents, you hear these as supportive, esteem-boosting messages. But listen more closely. See if you can hear another message. It’s the one that children hear: If I don’t learn something quickly, I’m not smart. I shouldn’t try drawing anything hard or they’ll see I’m no Picasso. I’d better quit studying or they won’t think I’m brilliant.
