The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person

by Frederick Joseph

White supremacy. Racism. Police brutality. A global pandemic. Staggering job losses. A white supremacist in the Oval Office. Only halfway into the year, and 2020 has already been the combination of everything that is wrong with this country happening all at once.

The memories of 2020 came flooding back to me as I read the new preface of this book. America must have memory loss.. Is this narion seriously desiring to go back to the sickness, violence and death?

You can’t tell me that you don’t see my Blackness when you have to see my Blackness to even make the statement. The statement contradicts itself.

There is a narrative that affirmative action and programs like it, such as welfare, were created to help Black people. But in reality many of these programs benefit white women and poor whites more than other groups.

There are more white women and poor white people in America than there are Black or brown people combined, so these programs serve a great number of white people. Yet many white people who oppose the programs or use them as an example of a handout act as if only people of color are benefiting.

We see that with how Black men who could have a college degree are less likely to get a job versus white men who have a prison record or simply a high school diploma.

We live in a country founded on land stolen from Native Americans and built by people stolen from Africa.

I also added that thinking things like reverse racism existed actually demonstrated how ill qualified they both were to represent students of color.

And Abbie, Parker, and I each face far less discrimination than Black transgender women, who have to deal with the oppression of white supremacy, transphobia, and the patriarchy.

In one way or another, we all have some type of privilege or power in relation to someone

But we have to learn to see with new eyes, hear with new ears, and find new ways to trust other people’s words when they tell us and show us how we’re hurting them. Because doing the right thing sometimes means putting the pain of others before our own, especially if we are part of creating it.

While this book is meant to be a guide for white people to understand and be better, it’s important that white people also understand that it isn’t the duty of Black people or people of color to explain things. I’m doing so because I hope it can ultimately make change for my community.

As the chapter title says, being accomplices instead of allies—which is a concept that I first heard used by author and activist Mikki Kendall.

This is the difference between someone who is hoping for change and someone who is trying to make change. An ally versus an accomplice.

Not just for white people to change, but for all of us to change.

When I started this book, I asked myself one question: “If I show people how they’re hurting others, will some of them be willing to change?”

Our children don’t get to just be children, don’t get to just be innocent. The weight of the world is on our children, and it’s crucial that we teach them to hold it.

breaks my heart, but it must be done. Because I love him, because I know innocence won’t protect him.

Multiple things can be true about a person at one time, including the oppression they face.

For instance, Black women suffer from sexism, as do white women. But they also suffer from racism, because they’re Black. Meaning their experiences live at the intersection of racism and sexism.

Black people are incarcerated at more than five times the rate of white people.

#RepresentationMatters is a movement based on the idea that people from marginalized communities (including people of color, indigenous people, LGBTQIA+ folks, and women) should have the opportunity to see positive representations of themselves in media and art. By doing so, there is a greater likelihood that they will be successful and be treated by others in ways that acknowledge their full humanity.