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But that’s the thing about me. I’m always fucking shit up.
Because when I fuck up…I really give it my all.
Given the laundry list of shitty things I’ve done tonight—and the fact that the girl I love is still in surgery—I’m pretty sure whatever he has to tell me can’t be any more serious than that.
“I’m officially getting the worst mother of the year award for this.” “Come on, Mom,” I press. “Tell me.” Another long sigh. “If you want to make a bully back down you have to beat them at their own game. If she makes fun of you, then you make fun of her right back and expose her insecurities in front of everyone.”
“It’s kind of like a puzzle,” I whisper. “A broken puzzle with tons of missing pieces.” Which means there’s no way I’ll ever be whole again.
She might love him now… But she loved me first. Even when I hated her.
Every woman I love ends up betraying me. And I have no one to blame but myself.
Everyone in my life just wants the funny jokester who’s always there to make them feel better.
I’m so tired of not being good enough for him. So tired of bleeding my heart out for someone who hates me. All because of a kiss. My mom was right. No drug in the world screws you up more than love does.
It’s like everyone has blinders on and no one can see or hear me…even though I’m standing in a room screaming my lungs out.
Everyone else is too scared to get inside my fucked-up head, so they don’t bother. Everyone else is so preoccupied with their own scars…they don’t give a fuck about mine. Everyone else keeps me at a distance…because they can’t handle me. Fuck everyone.
Jace and Cole are happy now. They have Dylan and Sawyer to take care of them. I bet they’d hardly even miss me. Not like I miss them.
Prince Charming isn’t coming to rescue his wicked princess after all.
I’m so hollow inside if someone placed their ear to my chest they wouldn’t hear a thing. Just the reverberating echo of my pain.
Fuck that noise. I’d happily cut those bitches throats and drown them in their blood before I’d ever share him. I just want to know if he’ll take the bait.
A soul as black as the night sky. Lips as red as the blood she’s out for.
I’m the baby of this family goddammit. And if this bitch thinks she’s just going to waltz in uninvited and start popping out additions to it, she can kiss my squat-sculpted ass.
God, I miss her. I miss her smile, her laugh, her smell…the way she hugged me so tight—like I was the most important thing to her. But mostly? I hate how it’s all starting to fade away. Every day that passes my memory of her withers more and more. If I’m not careful…one day I’m going to wake up and every trace of her will be gone.
The world will chew you up and spit you out at the first sign of weakness.
I should turn him down. Tell him to go find the girl he brought home to fuck…but I can’t. Because even the strongest girls surrender for the right boy.
Our kiss is the equivalent of fire meeting gasoline…destroying everything around us as he slowly—meticulously—fucks my mouth with his.
“I feel like I don’t belong anywhere,” I confess after another minute. “Like I’m stuck on the outside looking in on a world I can no longer remember with people who want me to be a certain way…but no matter how hard I try, I’m constantly failing to live up to their expectations.”
“There’s plenty of shit people should apologize for in this world…but feelings should never be one of them.”
“For your information, I only smile when I have a good reason to.” My lips curve. “Thank you for giving me one.”
“Look, I’m not gonna stand here and do that thing where I act like one of those hipster girls who are all, ‘I’m not like other girls, baby, I’m way better,’ and then pretend to be cool with something I’m really not just to keep a guy I’m into.” I pin him with a look. “I want what I want, and I refuse to apologize for it.”
It quickly becomes clear there’s an unspoken third rule between us. Don’t tell a soul.
He’s like a potent narcotic—dulling all the pain—but slowly turning me into an addict.
“You’re still here, though. Which means you’re stronger than what tried to break you.”
“For what it’s worth, I wasn’t trying to upset you. I just wanted to make it clear that if he ever fucking hurts you…” His nostrils flare on an indrawn breath. “Well, let’s just say I’ve gone to jail once, and I’d gladly go back for you.”
Dylan clutches my notebook to her chest. “It’s like emo crack for the soul.” Fuck my life. She might as well chop off my nuts. “Gee thanks.”
She’s with you. Love, your big brothers. Tears clog my vision because my brothers are the sweetest assholes in the world.
I’ve been so scared of dying…I haven’t been living. Because I’ve been too busy missing them. It’s like my life stopped the day my mother’s did. And then when Liam died, it broke whatever was left of me.
A soul as black as the night sky. Lips as red as the blood she’s out for. The girl who leaves them running scared. She's a beautiful nightmare.
As usual, the girl is full of surprises. She ebbs when everyone else flows.
She’s like the smell of smoke in the distance…warning you to stay away. But I can’t.
I grip her waist. “I don’t dance.” But I do…for her.
“She’s lost.” Annoyed, I grip the back of my neck. “Confused. She doesn’t know which end is up and her family has her stuck in a box because they think it’s the best way to protect her.” I cut my gaze to his. “But you can’t stick a girl like Bianca in a box for too long because sooner or later she’ll crawl her way out and make the world her bitch again.”
Because that’s what my girl does. She fights just as hard as she loves.
This weasel is just a pathetic, piss-poor understudy. I’m the man she loved first.
“Yes, I do.” He leans in, his voice a penetrating rasp. “Because I know you, Bianca Covington.” He clasps my jaw in his hand. “We speak a secret language that no one else can understand, and we feel things for each other that don’t make sense to the rest of the world…just us.”
I hate that he’s right. I hate that I have all these feelings for him, because my life would be way less complicated if I didn’t. But mostly? I hate that he has the ability to tear me wide open and break me… Because I love him in a way I’ve never loved anyone else. A way I never can love anyone else. And I didn’t even need all my memories to come back in order to realize it. I just needed him.
I sometimes wonder how different I’d be if these tragedies in my life didn’t happen.
Regardless of the amnesia, I’ve never known who I am, because home still feels like a fairy tale I’ve been searching for my whole life.
It’s as if the world is black and white, but he’s the only one in color.
He doesn’t let just anyone in, but when he does? It’s like feeling the sun’s rays for the very first time and you can’t help but bask in everything he is.

