More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
This framing encourages obsessive devotion to the issues we care about; when working tirelessly to fix a problem becomes untenable, the Laziness Lie tells us we might as well give
up. Stressing out about a topic is not actually a means of working to address the problem.
However, 77 percent say they actually like
having access to as much information as they do. This makes sense when we remember the research showing that smartphones (and access to the Internet) make people feel powerful.
Exposure to the wrong type of information can actually cause a trauma response.
In order to overcome the heavy informational burden that most of us are saddled with, we have to set limits. At first, taking these steps may feel like plugging your ears and
ignoring the cruelty of the world; it may look like apathy or laziness. But remember, laziness does not exist. It’s sustaining and self-protective to know our limits. It helps us reorient toward our true priorities.
Use Filtering and Muting Tools
Block Whoever You Need to (and Don’t Feel Bad about It)
Skim the Headlines, and Then Move On
In some ways, the concept of a news fast reminds me of Fred Bryant’s research on dampening happiness. Worrying constantly about worst-case scenarios that may or may not come to pass is a surefire way to distract us from enjoying our present lives.
Consume Less Information, More Meaningfully
Taking a slower, more contemplative approach to learning can help us to be more thoughtful and critical, and can help us
Practice Active Reading
The absolute best way to combat the urge to overconsume information is to get comfortable with not knowing everything. In a world poisoned by the Laziness Lie, the pressure
to constantly improve ourselves is immense.
The more we strive to be productive and to improve ourselves, the logic goes, the more value we bring to society. Yet our minds need time to recharge, and
our lives are more vibrant and pleasurable when we have time that isn’t focused on being productive. On top of all that, it’s arrogant and unrealistic for us to expect ourselves to be well-versed in all topics. A much healthier approach is to be humble about our limitations.
“Individuals are capable of coming together and making a difference,” I told him. “They just have to believe that their choices matter, and that they’re not alone in making them.”
The Laziness Lie has eroded our sense of healthy boundaries and consent. When we believe hard work is the only true “good” in life, and that we must earn our right to be loved, it becomes hard for us to know how to draw limits,
Just as we struggle to cut back on unfair work demands, we also struggle to back down from social expectations that make us uncomfortable. Often, we’re left feeling that we have no right to boundaries at all.
We get so good at ignoring our needs that we can’t
even recognize when a relationship is damaging. We end up repeatedly being exploited and manipulated, rather than being nourished and supported.
When a person has grown up prioritizing the needs of other people, they often mistakenly believe that it’s selfish to have any needs of their own.
Lindsay C. Gibson writes that children who did not receive adequate care and attention from their parents learn that the only kinds of relationships they deserve to have are unbalanced ones.
She writes: Emotional loneliness is so distressing that a child who experiences it will do whatever is necessary to make some kind of connection.… These children may learn to put other people’s needs first as the
price of admission to a rel...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
overly demanding relationships, forever giving more than they receive and never feeling truly seen.
Gibson writes, “Covering up your deepest needs prevents genuine connection with others.” Human beings are interdependent. We need social connections and community in order to thrive,
The Laziness Lie actively encourages this painful self-erasure by teaching us that our value is defined by what we can do for other people.
In order to form authentic, safe bonds with others,
we must get comfortable with letting other people down. We have to be able to say no in our relationships, just as we must learn to dial back our punishi...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
Emotional overexertion can be just as damaging as prof...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
challenge expectations that the person has for you, practice disappointing the person, and keep repeating your no, over and over again, even if it makes you feel like a broken record.
expectations explicit. “So often we go into a relationship with unspoken ideas of what to expect from the other person,” she says. “And sometimes even just naming what they’re asking you for can make a big difference.”
Sometimes it works better if you soften the blow with an excuse. “I suggest that people tell their family members they’re going through something and that they’re going to be less available,” Kathy says. “That way you’re giving them some advanced warning that it’s nothing personal,
It takes time to retrain a person and adjust their expectations. It also takes time to train ourselves to stop reflexively saying yes so much.
“Start by saying no to small things,” she says, “because those are easier and the consequences are less. Start to notice when [the demanding person] asks for something small, like getting a ride to the airport, and just start to say no to some of those things.”
Her therapist suggested she try disappointing a loved one at least once per week—so
It started out small, but it helped her recognize which of her friends were really there for her.
In order to hold firm, you may have to say no and provide your standard excuse over and over (and over) again. “I call it the broken-record technique,”
If a cisgender woman decides to fight the power and say, Hey, I’m not doing all the household chores anymore, it’s a feminist act. But if I refuse to do those “womanly” activities as a trans woman, people go, Oh, you’re so entitled and lazy—you’re acting like a man.
The Laziness Lie loves to blame victims for their own oppression.
if a person wants to succeed in the face of bigotry, all they have to do is work harder than everyone else, and attend to their own needs even less. It’s a toxic mindset that can erode their mental and physical health, as well as their sense of boundaries.
Track How You Spend Your Time
Clarify Your Values
Select your ten most important items from the following list. Rank them from 1 to 10 with “1” being the most important item. ___ Love ___ Honesty ___ Wealth ___ Humor ___ Family ___ Loyalty
___ Morals ___ Reason ___ Success ___ Independence ___ Knowledge ___ Achievement ___ Power ___ Beauty ___ Friends ___ Spirituality ___ Free Time ___ Respect ___ Adventure ___ Peace ___ Variety ___ Stability ___ Calmness ___ Wisdom ___ Freedom ___ Fairness ___ Fun ___ Creativity ___ Recognition ___ Relaxation ___ Nature ___ Safety ___ Popularity ___
Responsi...
This highlight has been truncated due to consecutive passage length restrictions.
When we say no to the things that aren’t the most meaningful to us, we have the capacity to deeply invest in the things that are meaningful.
