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Every night, I called one final thought into the deep darkness: Come back to me. And just before the dark consumed me, a whisper returned: My angel, let me go…
“How soon can you get here?” The panic in my chest ignited and tightened. “Fast. Tomorrow if I have to. Why? What’s wrong? Is she okay?” “No, man.” The sigh he exhaled was somewhere between relief and resignation. “She’s pretty fucking far from okay.”
Two weeks later, she was gone, leaving me with only a simple truth: I needed her. Maybe more than she needed me.
“I’m glad you’re here, Theo.” I shook it hard. The guy was genuinely concerned and without his phone call, I’d be sitting in the Wynn Galleria, apologizing to Jonah for the thousandth time. “Thanks for calling me, man.” And for saving my fucking life.
“I need help.” I whispered. The words were cool in my mouth. My skin felt feverish, my tears were scalding as they streamed down my cheeks to his fingers that held me. Everything hurt. Except the words. “Help me,” I said, swallowing it like cool, clear water in the desert. “Please. Help me.” Theo’s hands spread wide on my face. His eyes shone. “I will,” he said. “I’m here and I’ll help you.”
Dad shifted in his seat. “I had no idea her situation was so dire.” I braced myself for the “But…” The addendum that diminished what I’d done, or the rest of the lecture. But my dad stared past me, turning tonight over in his mind. Do you see now, Dad? I thought. I had to go. I made a promise. I went to her now, and I’ll go to her again if I have to. I’ll fail a hundred classes and be fired from a hundred jobs before I let anything happen to her again.
He shifted like he was going to say something dismissive. Instead, he sighed and said in a low voice. “Like I said, you’re here now.” I nodded against him, my tired eyes wanting to close but if they did, the ache in my heart would pull me under. I drank in the beautiful glass instead. We sat with Jonah for a long time.
“She’ll come back.” I picked up Viv’s Magic 8-Ball and gave it a shake. Outlook good. I shook my head as I set it down. I was becoming a chump. First Tarot cards, now stupid toys. But I smiled all the way back to my station and the smile hung around as I set up for my first client. When little slivers of hope put in an appearance, you have to grab them and hold on. Give them a smile. Otherwise, what’s the fucking point?
“I take it back. You owe me one thing.” His hand was still holding mine. “Okay.” “You have to promise me that if shit gets tough, and it feels like you’re going under, you fucking call me.” “So you can fly back to New Orleans and fail more classes? Or maybe lose your job?” “Yes.” His hand squeezed tighter. “I don’t blame you for taking off the first time. Hell, some days I want to jump in this truck and start driving, just to get lost for awhile. Don’t beat yourself up. You did what you had to do to cope.” The hard edges of his voice softened, as did his gaze on me. “But don’t do it again.” I
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“Hey.” I tapped Theo’s shoulder. “You promised me a dance.” “Sorry,” he said. “Don’t feel like it.” “Hey,” I said again, my voice cracking. “I miss him too.” Theo looked at me then, his eyes softening the way they had earlier, but this time they stayed soft. “Yeah,” he said.
She became engrossed in the movie, while I stared straight through the TV. Lost in my head, unable to fathom the depth of my brother’s heart. A man who told the love of his life, at the moment of goodbye, to love someone else. And to his brother, a promise to love her…
You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same.— Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Who gets a second chance like that?” “The ones who step back up to the table and lay it all out there.” Yvonne pulled away, pushed the hair from my eyes. “You’re not done, Kacey. I know you aren’t. You have more cards to play.” I smiled through the tears. “I am a universe.” Yvonne’s eyes widened. “I like that. Yes, you are a universe, right here in this room, and you are not done.”
On and on, we danced and in the back of my delirium, I knew I’d been right about Theo: if you had him, you had all of him. His kiss was the purest essence of himself: intense, fiery, devoted entirely to the moment. This close, he was my entire world, with no place for anything else. His body pressed to mine, his hands on my body, his sweat, his mouth…
“You’re pregnant,” he stated, and I saw the words sink in, and spread over his face like a sunrise. His smile…oh god, I’d never seen anything more beautiful. “You’re really…? You’re going to have a baby? I’m…going to have a baby?” I wiped a tear with the cuff of my sweater. “Yeah, honey. We are.” Any doubts about how he might react were tossed to the wind. I let out a little cry as Theo enveloped me in his strong embrace, lifted me, spun me around, and when he kissed me the salt tears I tasted weren’t mine.
Love had no end. She was infinite. She was a universe, my universe, and I was hers. Love had no boundaries, no rules, no favorites. And no limits.
