Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts

by Carol Tavris

Dissonance is bothersome under any circumstances, but it is most painful to people when an important element of their self-concept is threatened—typically when they do something that is inconsistent with their view of themselves.26 If a celebrity you admire is accused of an immoral act, you will feel a pang of dissonance, and the more you liked and admired that person, the greater the dissonance you’ll feel. (Later in this book, we’ll discuss the massive dissonance felt by Michael Jackson’s many fans upon hearing compelling evidence of his sexual relationships with young boys.) But that’s nothing compared to how you would feel if you did the immoral thing. If you regard yourself as a person of high integrity and you do something that harms another person, you’ll feel a much more devastating rush of dissonance than you would on hearing about a favorite movie star’s transgression. After all, you can always abandon your allegiance to a celebrity or find another hero. But if you violate your own values, you’ll feel much greater dissonance because, at the end of the day, you have to go on living with yourself. In a sweet demonstration of how the need for self-esteem trumps the virtue of realistic modesty, the great majority of people think they are “better than average”—we might call this the Lake Wobegone effect. They say they are better than average in all kinds of ways—smarter, nicer, more ethical, funnier, more competent, more humble, even better drivers.27 Their efforts at...