From our standpoint, therefore, misunderstandings, conflicts, personality differences, and even angry quarrels are not the assassins of love; self-justification is. Frank and Debra’s evening with the new couple might have ended very differently if both of them had not been so busy spinning their own self-justifications and blaming the other, and if they had thought about the other’s feelings first. Each of them understands the other’s point of view perfectly, but the need for self-justification is preventing them from accepting the other’s position as legitimate. It is motivating each of them
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