Successful partners extend to each other the same self-forgiving ways of thinking we extend to ourselves: They forgive each other’s missteps as being due to the situation but give each other credit for the thoughtful and loving things they do. If one partner does something thoughtless or is in a crabby mood, the other tends to write it off as a result of events that aren’t the partner’s fault: “Poor guy, he is under a lot of stress”; “I can understand why she snapped at me; she’s been living with back pain for days.” But if one does something especially nice, the other credits the partner’s
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