The Big A.S.S. Party (Zodiac Academy, #5.5)

by Caroline Peckham

"Trout. Salmon. Eel. Dolphin. Carp. Guppy. Catfish. Bass. Neon tetra. Cod. Pilchard. Cuttlefish. Tuna. Barracuuuuuuuuuuda!"

"We just got Grussed," I said with a grin. "You don't know what the fuck happened at first but once you get used to it and just go along for the ride, you'll find yourself having the time of your life."

"Sex with her is a constant series of asking yourself what the fuck just happened? What the fuck did she just say? What the fuck did she just call me? Why the fuck does that feel so goddamn good? And that's the most you'll ever find out about it because she's mine," I informed him.

"You have been tasked!" She hung up on me and I frowned at my Atlas as if it was the one threatening my entrance pass to Lady Petunia.

"Yay," Tory said mock-enthusiastically, her dry wit always getting my kipper flipping.

Geraldine: Is Mildred dealt with, you tantalising terrapin? Maxy Boy: She’s all locked up, you sexy starfish. I rolled my eyes, tsking at the insult. Why he would call me a starfish, I had no idea.

this entire book was peak comedy. I’m obsessed

"What does the rest of the invite say?" Darius asked, not bothering to make pointless platitudes to us. Caleb looked down at the fancy little scroll again and carried on reading. "Please confirm your attendance by placing a tear of joy on this page and follow the instructions to the main event." "A tear of what?" Seth asked, snatching the invite from Caleb so that he could read it. "Only Geraldine would believe that everyone invited to the twins' birthday party would be crying from happiness over it," Darius groaned as he cut a look at me. "How the fuck has she put magic on here that recognises a tear of joy?" Seth asked as he tried holding the invite up to the light like he might be able to read the instructions through it if he just squinted hard enough. "I don't see how she could have," I said as I thought it over. "I'm guessing it's looking for salt water."

LMAOOOOO 😂😂😂😂😂

"My oh my, Captain Hook really found the Lost Boys today, didn't he?" I laughed and Max rested his weight on me as he laughed. "He sure shoved his hook in Wendy," he said, as if that made any sense at all.

I nodded once, biting my tongue on screaming about how fucked up everything she'd just said was. "So give me that time," I said. "Two years. Two years of you and me to fuck and fight and fall in love and be all the things we won't be able to be once you walk down that aisle. Give me that time to try and convince you that that life isn't what you really want. We don't ever have to talk politics, we don't even have to tell anyone if you don't want to. Just let it be me and you, at least for a little while."