The Big A.S.S. Party (Zodiac Academy, #5.5)

by Caroline Peckham

"I'm sinning with a seabass and tangling with his tentacles," she moaned. "I'm a wanton lady of the shore, dipping my toes in salty waters."

LADY PETUNIA HANG ON TIGHT

My Atlas rang in my pocket and I answered it with a smirk as I spotted Geraldine's name on the caller ID. "Hey, Gerry, you calling to ask me to be your date to the-" "Quit the lothario act you bungling baboon! We have a code brown!" "Someone shit themselves?" "No, you nincompoop! Someone spilled the beans!

CODE BROWN LOL

I grabbed Sofia's dress from the rack, the powder pink material glittering all over; it was the same style as the Vegas’ but the skirt was smaller and instead of a constellation it had A.S.S. printed over the breasts. "Oh...wow," she said, her smile tight like she couldn't quite find the words to show her excitement at this wonderous gift. "I can't wait to see you in that, baby," Tyler said, grinning at her. "I hope you've got something for Tyler to wear, Geraldine," Sofia said with a smirk and I nodded keenly as Tyler's jaw dropped with what I had to assume was utter excitement. "Does a whale wear a willy muff in the chilly waters of Wackerton?" I laughed, hurrying to the rack again, taking two suits from it, holding one toward Tyler and the other to Diego. They were starkly white like the sheets of a virgin, but the undershirts were gold and shimmery like a Pegasus horn.

this is so good

"As casual as a cranberry on a cornflake,"

Geraldine: Is Mildred dealt with, you tantalising terrapin? Maxy Boy: She’s all locked up, you sexy starfish.

ATTA BOY MAX

"What does the rest of the invite say?" Darius asked, not bothering to make pointless platitudes to us. Caleb looked down at the fancy little scroll again and carried on reading. "Please confirm your attendance by placing a tear of joy on this page and follow the instructions to the main event." "A tear of what?" Seth asked, snatching the invite from Caleb so that he could read it. "Only Geraldine would believe that everyone invited to the twins' birthday party would be crying from happiness over it," Darius groaned as he cut a look at me. "How the fuck has she put magic on here that recognises a tear of joy?" Seth asked as he tried holding the invite up to the light like he might be able to read the instructions through it if he just squinted hard enough. "I don't see how she could have," I said as I thought it over. "I'm guessing it's looking for salt water."

A TEAR OF JOY LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO

"Damn you, you sexy sea urchin. Why don't you button your succulent lips and show me what your sea cucumber can do." Max drove his swordfish into my watering hole and I cried out as he pushed me firmly down beneath him.

I AM YELLING