Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

by Emily Nagoski

Medieval anatomists called women’s external genitals the “pudendum,” a word derived from the Latin pudere, meaning “to make ashamed.” Our genitalia were thus named “from the shamefacedness that is in women to have them seen.”2

I’ll describe attachment distress–fueled sex as “sex that advances the plot,” and introduce ways that we can use this dynamic to our advantage.

Trauma survivors’ brains sometimes learn to treat “sex-related” stimuli as threats, so that whenever the accelerator is activated, the brakes are hit, too. Practicing mindfulness is an evidence-based strategy for decoupling the brakes and accelerator.