Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

by Emily Nagoski

the brain says, “A diner! I love diners,” and the genitals agree, “This is a restaurant, we could eat here,” unless there’s some pretty compelling reason not to, like a bunch of drunks brawling outside. Even then, if our friends on vacation came across that diner with a brawl outside, the genitals might still say, “This is a restaurant,” even as the brain dragged her away, shouting, “Let’s get out of here! Call the cops!”

“Emily Nagoski is sorry that you didn’t already know that genital response isn’t a reliable indicator of pleasure or desire. But it’s true. What my genitals are doing doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with how I feel. Thirty years of research confirms this. So please pay attention to my words, not my vagina.”

“Don’t chase, don’t push or pull. Be like the person with the broom on a curling team. Clear the path to sex.”