If the problem is that long-term love is antithetical to long-term passion, then the solution, says Perel, is to maintain autonomy, a space of eroticism inside yourself, as a way to maintain the distance necessary to allow wanting to emerge. As Perel puts it, “In desire, we want a bridge to cross.”11 This means intentionally adding distance that creates an edgy instability or uncertainty, a slight and enjoyable dissatisfaction.
