Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life

by Emily Nagoski

Here’s an exercise to help increase self-compassion:25 Write a description of a situation that you’re beating yourself up about—it can be anything from an aspect of your sexual functioning to your romantic relationship (or lack thereof) to your work to your body or anything else. Be sure to include the self-critical thoughts you’re battering yourself with. Then write the name of a good friend at the top of the page and imagine that that person is describing this problem. Imagine that she’s asking for your help, and write down what you would tell her. Imagine that you’re in your best, most empathic, calmest, most supportive state of mind, and tell her all the things she needs to hear. Now reread what you wrote. It’s for you. The shorthand version of this exercise is: Never say anything to yourself that you wouldn’t want to say to your best friend or your daughter.