How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

by Nicole LePera

When we feel safe, it is reflected in our eyes, our voice, and our body language. We are fully present, and there is a lightness and ease in our manner. This sense of safety is passed on to others in a process called co-regulation. When others are reassured that you are not a threat, they, too, will feel safe and enter the same social activation mode that sets them at ease. Our energies and states are transferable. We feel better and calmer around certain people because our nervous systems are responding to theirs. Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, flows, helping us to bond emotionally and, in the case of romantic relationships, physically. The sense of security creates a cospace of comfort. It’s a mutual exchange of connection.