How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

by Nicole LePera

Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced.

I still felt like there was something essential in my being that was lost or missing or had never been there in the first place.

ah yay getting called out on my late night read

After years of being in relationships yet feeling emotionally alone, I had finally met a person who felt right because she was so different from me. Whereas I was hesitant and often disengaged, Lolly was passionate and headstrong. She often challenged me in ways that I felt were exciting. I should have been happy, or, at the very least, content. Instead I felt outside myself, detached, emotionless. I felt nothing.

literally Alex fr😭🤍

There was the brain fog, which would cloud me so thoroughly that I sometimes not only forgot words or phrases but entered a complete state of blankness.

YES. BECAUSE WHY CANT I GATHER MY THOUGHTS ANYMORE

Suddenly, clarity hit: I need to find change.

preachhhhh

I realized that a disconnect among mind, body, and soul can manifest as sickness and dysregulation. I discovered that our genes are not destiny and that in order to change, we have to become consciously aware of our thought patterns and habits, which have been shaped by the people we care for, and have been cared for by, the most.

aha you hear that tummy problems

No person is an island. We are social creatures, and it is not until we are able to truly embody our authentic Self that we become able to connect deeply with the people we love.

I will be the first to say that the work is just that: work. There are no shortcuts, and no one else can do it for you. It can feel uncomfortable or even downright scary to become an active participant in your own healing. Ultimately, learning who you are and what you are capable of is not only empowering and transformative, but one of the most profound experiences we can have.

There is such a thing as getting too comfortable.

It means letting a part of yourself die so that another part of you can be reborn.

They could look backward and see the issues, yet they hadn’t built the capacity to apply that insight in real time to their present life.

To truly actualize change, you have to engage in the work of making new choices every day. In order to achieve mental wellness, you must begin by being an active daily participant in your own healing.

When we change our relationship with our thoughts, we change the cascade of emotions that floods our bodies and persuades us to act in certain ways,

How we show up in our relationships is really emblematic of our general wellness, and often indicates how we show up in life,

addiction isn’t limited to specific substances and experiences such as alcohol, drugs, gambling, and sex; cycles of human emotions can be addicting too.

Emotional addiction is particularly powerful when we habitually seek or avoid certain emotional states as a way to cope with trauma.