He referred to this phenomenon as “the niceness cage”—wherein the compulsion to be valued locks us in a trap of our own making. The reality is that being “not nice” (i.e., being true to your authentic Self) enables us to assert our own value. It’s not about being mean or arrogant or inconsiderate; it’s about knowing what you want, what your limits are, and then communicating that. Learning to say “no” and not being so compliant all the time is an important part of reclaiming yourself. Learning to say “no” is often the kindest thing you can do for yourself and those you love.
