How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

by Nicole LePera

thoughts, we give our thoughts too much control in our daily lives.

Stress affects every system of the body, including the gut—it’s no coincidence that gastrointestinal (GI) problems are one of the issues most commonly cited by people dealing with anxiety. When we’re stressed or frightened or anxious, our body has trouble

digesting food and can either hold on to it for too long—resulting in constipation—or release it too quickly—resulting in irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) or diarrhea. Stress affects our food choices and the makeup of the microbiome in our gut, which is constantly communicating with our brain (something we will discuss in detail in chapter 5). In these cases, your body is denied essential nutrients—either because it isn’t breaking down the food you eat fast enough or it’s discharging it before it begins to process it. Without a well-functioning digestive system, we become sicker in all areas of our body.

He referred to this phenomenon as “the niceness cage”—wherein the compulsion to be valued locks us in a trap of our own making. The reality is that being “not nice” (i.e., being true to your authentic Self) enables us to assert our own value. It’s not about being mean or arrogant or inconsiderate; it’s about knowing what you want, what your limits are, and then communicating that. Learning to say “no” and not being so compliant all the time is an important part of reclaiming yourself. Learning to say “no” is often the kindest thing you can do for yourself and those you love.