How to Do the Work: Recognize Your Patterns, Heal from Your Past, and Create Your Self

by Nicole LePera

Often when disagreement does occur, the goal is not to try to get closer to a shared truth and is instead to invalidate each other’s realities, to destroy the other person to establish your own worth and power.

This is why judging others is so addictive; it relieves us from the ego’s internal struggle with shame. When we identify the faults of others, we can ignore our own and even convince ourselves that we are superior. None of this is actually wrong or bad (this is egoic speak!); it’s just part of being human.

There will be days when we want to lie in bed all day, drink some wine, indulge in some pie, or take a break from washing our face. That’s fine. If we’ve developed confidence over time, we know that we can take a break and the ritual will always be there to return to when we so choose. We will not fall apart if we take a day to rest.

“A lack of play should be treated like malnutrition,” he wrote, “it’s a health risk to your body and mind.”