Kindle Notes & Highlights
Owen turned towards me and I saw his own eyes glistening. It nearly did me in. Because no matter what I had said, I knew that it was real. I knew he loved me. I knew our connection was rare. But I also knew that it wasn’t enough. Not anymore. Not when he wasn’t willing to make the hard decisions that would allow us to be together. I needed him to be all in. I was all in, my heart was his. But you can’t do it all on your own, and I was realizing that I was trying to do just that. There is patience and then there is being a fool and I had crossed that line. I had to save myself. I had
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He shook his head, running his fingers through his hair and I could see him fighting off the emotion. I heard it in his voice as he said, “I love you.” I bit my lip hard to keep the sob that slammed against my chest away. Three simple words that tore into me like shrapnel, spilling out everything I was trying to hold together.
I saw his shoulders rise and fall as he took deep breaths. “This isn’t over. I won’t let it be over. You need some space, I get it. But it’s not over.” He moved towards the door, refusing to look back at me. I couldn’t let him walk out without making this final. I couldn’t leave it hanging over us, waiting for it to crumble slowly. Rip the band-aid off, right? That’s what that they say. “It is over, Owen. I can’t do it. I won’t,” I said simply. He paused, hand on the doorknob. I waited for him to say something. Make another plea, force me to listen. But he didn’t.
Time went by, but it seemed to stand still. It had been weeks, but I still felt like I was living the same day. The day I had told Owen to leave. The day I had broken us both. I felt trapped. I felt lost and completely distracted. I was too busy drowning in my pain to notice much that was happening around me.
Owen had stopped writing. He hadn’t tried to call in days. I should be happy about that. Maybe it would help me move forward. But really, it just made me sad. He was obviously giving up and letting me go. I hadn’t returned any of his calls, so for all he knew I was over it. It was better that way. It was. But damn, if it didn't hurt. There was
“I wanted to see you,” he said. “Owen, we decided that-” I started. He cut me off as his head snapped up, his eyes suddenly fierce. “No, you decided. You pushed me away,” he said, anger filling his tone. “You gave up,”
“You didn’t give me a choice,” I said simply. I was afraid that extra words at this point would be my undoing. I was too close to the edge. I could feel tears. I could feel my resolve close to collapse. I wasn’t ready for this conversation. I wasn’t sure that I would ever be ready. “You didn’t even give me a chance to explain,” he said. “What exactly did you need to explain? You bought a ring for another woman, Owen. That kind of sums everything up. What did you expect me to do? Smile and pretend that it was okay? You made me look like a fool.” I felt a flash of hot anger fill me.
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Epilogue OWEN It’s been six months since I last saw her. Six months since I looked her in the eye and I lied. It’s been six months since that night, when I walked out her door, pulled my car over and sobbed like a baby. It’s been six months and I’ve spent each day trying to live through the hurt and become the man that she deserves. She doesn’t know that I left my job the day I showed up at her door. I never told her. It’s why I showed up that night, to tell her, to ask her to forgive me, to see if she still wanted me.
I took the fragile thread that was holding us together, the hope that I saw in her eyes, and I snapped it. I destroyed us. Because I wasn’t enough. I did it for her. I walked away because she needed something more than I could be.
She is more than I could ever want. And maybe it’s selfish and maybe I have no hope of ever getting her back, but I know now that I have to try. And this time, I’m going all in.
