The Book of Moods: How I Turned My Worst Emotions Into My Best Life

by Lauren Martin

I am tired of measure, control, doing the right thing. A part of me would like to tear something apart and howl like a wolf! —May Sarton, Recovering: A Journal

I recognized the sensation immediately. The onrush of fury and fear. The unbelievable slamming against the believable. Reality coming out of left field and decking me.

The same fury and pain and frenzy as when I’d watch something I wanted so badly, something so close I could almost touch it, float out of my grasp. It was that childish, haunting feeling that life wasn’t fair.

Per usual, I had overreacted. Had let a small inconvenience turn into an ordeal. Another wasted evening. Another ruined memory. But I still felt so angry. Why was this bothering me so much? What caused me to feel so personally attacked by the small events of life? It had less to do, I found out, with what the events were and everything to do with how I perceived them.

In an experiment designed to study the factors that lead to people’s disproportionate emotional reactions, scientists found four general factors that cause us to overreact: unfairness, disrespect, loss of self-esteem, and rejection. You feel: