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“I can’t drown my demons. They know how to swim.”
No, wait, I was sure of it. Shit, I loved Jesse Carter. Was in love with Jesse Carter.
YASSSSSSSSS *yells in an aggressive way*
“You’re seriously, stupidly fucked.”
MR, WHERE IS YOUR LISP?!
Then I finally got it. The lisp. It was gone. It was gone, and so was the man I thought I’d read so well. Darren Morgansen straightened in his seat. He looked sharper, more alert. Not the same god the tycoons of Todos Santos were, but closer. Warmer. What the fuck are you playing at, old man?
YEA, THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYING AT?!
Shit. Oh, God. Shit, shit, shit.
oh Roman, this is gonna be terribly shitty
“Artem Omeniski was Jesse’s dad.”
what the-
“So Vicious was a part of this plan,” I said, trying to make sure all the pieces of the puzzle were neatly placed. Darren shook his head. “He helped you get to me.”
God forbid- and imagine Vicious would think this plan would be below him and not worth his time so.. 💀
He didn’t know of my plan for you—he simply took the bait.”
For one thing, Jesse and I were kind of stepsiblings.
storp 💀 illegal-
The plan was to come clean, and maybe try to convince her not to kill me.
ahhh… she’s not in the best mood darl’
“Trespassing in broad daylight. If you want to buy your lawyer their next Cabo villa, just open a GoFundMe account,” Vicious practically yawned. I turned around, tipping my chin down to inspect him. He was tucked inside his silver Aston Martin One-77, one arm resting on the edge of his open window.
OMG ZADDY VICIOUS 🥰 *giggle snorts* <— omg stop now 💀🤚🏼
“Bane. Didn’t recognize your face without the pube hair. Where you headed?”
OH NAH- BURN 💀
“No longer strangers,” he said. I stared at him impatiently, but took the joint, because I needed it. I shook my head. “I think I’m in deep trouble, Baron.” “Good. That means that there’s someone in your life that’s worth the risk.”
AHHHH VICIOUS AND BANE>>> LOVE EM 💗🧡
There’s a saying in Russian. Trouble never comes alone.
I carried Shadow into his burial spot and covered him in dark soil, then grabbed a pointy branch and wrote down his name in the sand. Shadow Dog Carter.
😭
When I was young and impressionable, Artem had given me a piece of advice I’d liked so much, I’d tattooed that shit onto my torso, just in case. A tribute to the man I hadn’t known would be such a magnificent part of my downfall. Don’t fall in love. Fall off a bridge. It hurts less. I liked it because it was funny. I’d had no idea it was also true.
snorting rn💀
I called them the same evening, when Jesse was taking a shower. The next day, they were on the plane.
THANK YOU ROMAN, I LOVE YOU 🧡
How are we feeling this morning?” “Torn.” I kissed his lips. “Whole.” I kissed his forehead. “Mostly, I’m just grateful to have someone to lean on.”
“I love you, Roman ‘Bane’ Protsenko. Not because you take away my loneliness, but because you give me strength.”
omg- beautiful
“If you want to suck me off, you’ll need to do it my way.” I nodded silently. “My way is not the kind of way you read in your books.”
BISH WHAT?
I love you. Maybe he didn’t share the sentiment. That was okay, too. Soul-crushing, but okay, I guess.
bestie- girlie- you know you’re not okay with that- I know I am not okay with that- but I will you tell you this: he does love you.
And I’d felt it. The strength to do what needed to be done. To overcome Shadow’s death, and everything else life had thrown at me the past few years. What I didn’t know was that this sudden strength was essential. Because that evening, the princess had to wield her sword. And finally slay all of her demons.
He gripped my arm and turned me around. It wasn’t violent and it wasn’t hurtful. What it was, was familiar. And it shouldn’t have been.
he’s a sick fuck.
“And I found out that…sweetie, Roman is your stepbrother. Artem had an affair with Roman’s mother.”
BITCH STFU YOU FUCKING DICKBACK
“Because I love you.”
NAHHHH YOU FUCKING ASS CREEP, WE CAUGHT WHO THE CULPRIT IS JESSE. THIS FUCKING RAPIST.
The slap came out of nowhere, landing square on my cheek. It was so hard it echoed in my ear for seconds later. I had to blink to make things blur back into focus. “Oh. Oh, Jesse, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…I never meant to…”
OH NO YOU DIDN’T, BACK THE FUCK UP BITCH BEFORE I KILL YOU 🤺🤺🤺
Darren hadn’t had a lisp. And he smelled of vodka.
yup- he is the stinking, disgusting, rancid- and I hate that I even have to say this- but the first sick guy who raped you.
“You better give me a hell of a eulogy, bitch.”
ha- real 💀
Everything was falling apart around me, but I felt oddly tranquil. Free.
I remembered thinking, I might die tonight. And I did, in ways I couldn’t fathom at that age.
damn, that is deep..
She was a shadow, much like all the other things I’d loved and lost.
Principal Gabe Prichard sneered, not even bothering to lift his eyes from his paperwork sitting behind his desk. He was ridiculously young for his position, and this was his first year at All Saints High. Tall, dark, handsome, and disgustingly standoffish, the rumors said he’d completed his BA at the tender age of nineteen and was some sort of an educational maverick. As he asked me this, a trail of fangirls-slash-schoolgirls was standing behind me, waiting to be seen for whatever trouble they’d gotten themselves into purposely.
oooo, a hot young principal? I’d be doing the same ngl 😩🤚🏼
They say it’s better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie.
“No. I think you had some really shitty things happen to you, and that they’re coming to an end, sooner than you think. Good things are ahead of you, Jesse. You just need to look.”
It appears that a broken heart smells like rotten junk food and stale vodka. I know, because I bathed in that rancid scent for a pretty long while.
aw poor bane got his heart broken 🥺
After the third full day of my acting like an emo kid who’d just heard Fall Out Boy had broken up, they resorted to leaving me food outside my door.
💀
Is this what a spiral feels like? It looks much more amusing when you’re on the outside, judging it on other people.
bane- your pathetic 💀 - I love you 🧍🏼♀️
If he thought I had fucks to give, he clearly hadn’t checked in my fuck-bag lately, because that shit was empty.
Omg stop I can’t 💀😭
“Where should I begin?” “From the middle. I love stories that begin right in the middle,”
same.
Darren being dead was a blessing for my bank account.
ikr? thank God for that 🥱💅🏼
“She must be real special.” I smirked. Such a fucking cliché. “Are we having a moment?” I arched an eyebrow. He shook his head, laughed, and shut the door in my face. I heard him mutter, “Bastard.”
I love this book sm 🧡
“Time.” “What?” “You’ve given her everything. A job, love, passion, your dick. The only thing you haven’t given her is time.” “What if she decides she doesn’t want me at the end of it?” I rubbed my face with my palm. Gail smiled. “Then be happy for her, Roman. That’s the essence of love.”
Jesse, I am going to ask you for something very important now. Don’t forgive me. Don’t forgive them. Break the cycle, because there are too many bad men out there who need to be stopped, and the only way to stop them is to be a strong woman. So be one. The truth is, Art was right to leave your mother. The truth is, Bane was right to defy me and fall in love. The truth is, this is the last thing I will ever say or write to anyone, and I will be remembered as the scoundrel.
look. i feel no remorse or sadness for you darren, i do not want her to forgive you. yes, i hope she forgives bane, and i have a feeling that sooner or later she will. but if there is one this she should or is going to take one thing from this damn letter: is that yes, she is going to be a strong woman- but you didn’t need to tell her that- she always has been.
God knows I got away with it for eight years, and I did not deserve one day.
with all honesty, glad you’re self aware 🧍🏼♀️
With love, respect, and regret, Darren Floyd Morgansen
RIP- (Rest In Pig Shit 🥰)
Books were my friends, my allies, my voice. They were my weapon of choice in the war which I survived.
But it was always there, plain and simple. I wasn’t alive before Bane came along. Now I was present. I was feeling. My heart was an animal, caged and suppressed and angry. It was hungry. Restless. Out for blood. And I was going to feed it, because new Jesse died. Her quiet, submissive corpse was left on the cool sand of the beach the evening I’d had the flashback. I realized that I wasn’t old Jesse just then. I was an even newer version, a stronger version, a version that was not to be messed with. She would make everyone pay. Everyone.
“Dude, ohmigosh.” I used her favorite phrase, reining in my gag reflex.
pffttt
“Ohmigosh, Jesse, you’re right! I’m going to call them right after my private Zumba class. Hey, you should totally come.”
you’re as dumb as a rock 💀
Driving back to Gail’s, I knew a few things: Wren was going to throw a party. She’d invited me, because she was an idiot. I was going to be there, but not in the capacity they were planning on. Surprise.
💀
