Dungeon Crawler Carl (Dungeon Crawler Carl, #1)

by Matt Dinniman

Mordecai looked at me sadly. “Yeah, good luck to you, too.” He grasped my jacket and met my eyes and then whispered, “It’s not worth it, no matter what they tell you. Not until floor 12, and even then, negotiate as much as you can. Remember that.”

“You’re not going to break me,” I said. “You might hurt me, or kill me, but you’re not going to break me.”

Mordecai was suddenly solemn, and I didn’t know why. He looked at me, intense. “You said you worry that some of these bosses and mobs are like you, here against their will.” He pointed downward, indicating the lower levels. “That’s not always going to be the case. Especially later on. Remember that. There are no gods here. Just those who pay for the privilege.” “Okay,” I said, trying to make sense of what he was desperately attempting to tell me.

“You’re not going to break me,” I whispered. It’d become a mantra. “What?” Donut asked. “Nothing,” I said.

On television shows and in kids’ books, they always repeated the “Bullies will back down when stood up to” mantra. That was utter horseshit. It always has been. That only worked when the one standing up to the bully was stronger than them.

I looked up at the ticker. 990,303. We’d gone below one million, and I hadn’t noticed. For every person that ticked away, I felt I was losing a part of myself, a part of my humanity.

New achievement! PETA Enthusiast! You somehow managed to remove the hostility of an aggravated, non-sapient enemy. That enemy then fought against other enemies to your benefit. The ghost of Steve Irwin smiles down upon you. Reward: I SAID THE GHOST OF STEVE IRWIN SMILES DOWN UPON YOU.

Mongo the Mongoliensis Level One (Pet of Grand Champion Best in Dungeon Princess Donut) has joined the party. Mongo’s title has been changed to Royal Steed.

You will not break me. Fuck you all. You will not break me.