XOXO

by Axie Oh

‘People who live for tomorrow should fear the people who live for today.’ Do you know why that is?” “No,” I drawl, “but you’re going to tell me.” “Because the people who live for tomorrow don’t take risks. They’re afraid of the consequences. While the people who live for today have nothing to lose, so they fight tooth and nail.

Have new experiences, make new friends. I promise you can get the life you want now, if you just live in it.”

“If you win, I’ll give you another hour in this room. No charge. If I win, you have to leave.”

This is so cringe

“XOXO? What kind of name is that?” I laugh.

“I think it’s important to take time for yourself, even with responsibilities. You can’t be there for other people if you’re not first there for yourself.”

“My name’s Jenny, by the way.” “Mine is . . .” He hesitates. “Jaewoo.”

“Is Jenny also your Korean name?” Jaewoo asks. “My Korean name is Jooyoung.”

This is why I don’t like read receipts. It’s like psychological warfare. He knows I know that he read my message and chose not to respond.

The truth is, I don’t like playing games. Life is too short. It’s better to speak your mind, otherwise you’ll only feel regret later.

They’re the same person. He’s the same person. Jaewoo.

Nice

I’m not usually intimidated by people, but she could freeze fire.

“Class president, lead singer of XOXO, handsome, and kind. What can Jaewoo not do?” Angela says dreamily. Answer texts, I think to myself, though I don’t say it aloud.

“Ah,” he says. “Nice to meet you.” My heart sinks. I didn’t think he’d be happy to see me, not after the way he ignored my texts, but I didn’t think he’d pretend we’d never met.

Rude

“My phone was confiscated. After that night in LA, my manager took it away. I was given a company phone a week later, with approved contacts. What did you say?” “Guess you’ll never know.”

“Min Sori and I dated for six months before her mother found out and forced us to break up.”

Doesn’t she know: the meaner you are, the uglier you get?

That words like “bitch” and “slut” have been used systemically to belittle women and entrench misogyny in all cultures around the world, that I wouldn’t want people to judge me or boil all my decisions down to a single word, without nuance or context or compassion.

“Not everything has to be done for a reason. Sometimes you just do things for the fun of it.”

“I don’t want you to be friends with him,” he says. “Not in the way you’re friends with me.” It takes me a moment to realize . . . He’s jealous. “I meant everything I said.” He looks down, unable to meet my eyes. “But my motives aren’t entirely selfless.”

“You think you’re so great, waltzing in here, making friends, showing them off to me. When you were the one who intruded into my life, nosing into my business, reading my mail. Are you even here for music? You can’t dance. I doubt you can sing. You don’t belong here. You’re nothing.”

Rude bitch

Like you have a person who is more important than all those other things, a part of your life you’re not sharing, when, as an idol, you agreed to share your whole life with your fans, so that they can love you without fear that you’ll disappoint or hurt them.”

You can’t aim to please everyone, you can only aim to please yourself.”

“If cellists have fan clubs, Jenny, I want to join yours.”

Oh Sun. Lee Jihyuk. Bae Jaewoo. Choi Youngmin.

“I like you, Jenny,” he confesses. “More than I’ve ever liked anyone before. It hit me that day at the clinic how much. And I did what I always do when I feel overwhelmed. I ran.” “And now?” I ask. “I’m not running anymore.” With the hand that isn’t holding my seat, he lifts my face to his and kisses me.

“In a heartbeat. Even after the scandal, even after the accusations and the heartbreak and the pain. He was my first love. I wouldn’t give that up for the world.”

My eyes widen. “They’ll see—” He kisses me, hard and fast. Then he’s gone, rounding the side of the shrine.

“Is this even about music?” I ask, channeling Sori at her most biting. “It sounds like you’re just upset that I’m not into you.”

“Tell her, tell her, the words that I want to say, my confession. I love her.”

“I wanted to ask you if you’d be my girlfriend.”

“This is Go Jooyoung,” Jaewoo says, and I look at him in surprise that he remembered my Korean name. I’d only told him once, back in LA. “She goes by her English name, Jenny. She’s my girlfriend.”

“XOXO was meant to record a radio show today, did you know? But we had to cancel because Jaewoo said he couldn’t make it. How odd, that he’d back out of something we’d scheduled weeks in advance. I have to go make apologies on behalf of the group. Of course that’s my job as the leader, to protect the members. I’ll always protect them, even from themselves.”

Angela: “BREAKING NEWS: K-Pop Idol Bae Jaewoo’s Secret Girlfriend.”

Shit

people do strange things to protect their hearts. But when you’re afraid, your heart is closed, and it’s never the right time, but when your heart is open, and you’re willing to be brave enough to take a chance, the time is always right.”

“Jenny, after your audition and reviewing your portfolio, we’re pleased to offer you a verbal acceptance into the Manhattan School of Music.”

Yayyyyy

“Turns out someone from our school found it on the lawn and sold it to a local gossip magazine, but she’d only sold a photo she’d taken of the original.”

“My girlfriend that I was in love with who broke up with me on a hospital rooftop three months ago in Seoul shows up right before my concert in New York City. Yeah, I forgot about it.”