Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions

by Johann Hari

But the long-term meditators had plenty of words, because to them, the drug seemed to be bringing them, they said, to “the same place” that really deep meditation, at its highest peaks, could sometimes reach. “By and large,” Fred told me, “they’re saying that these places are, if not similar, identical.” So they asked: What do both these practices do? What do they have in common? As we sat over dinner in a Thai restaurant, Fred gave me an explanation that stopped me in my tracks. They both, he said, break our “addiction to ourselves.” When we’re born, as babies, we have no sense of who we are. If you watch a newborn, before long, she’ll hit herself in the face, because she doesn’t know the boundaries of her own body yet. As she grows, she’ll develop a sense of who she is. She’ll build up boundaries. A lot of that is healthy, and necessary. You need some boundaries to protect yourself. But some parts of what we build up over time have a mixed effect. Mark built up walls, as an isolated ten-year-old, to defend himself against the grief for his father that he couldn’t voice to anyone. But as he grew older, those protective walls became a prison, preventing him from living fully. Our ego, our sense of self, always has both these qualities—protective, and imprisoning.