Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions

by Johann Hari

“On Friday at four, I can stay [in my office] and work more—or I can go home and play with my kids,” he told me. “I can’t do both. It’s one or the other. If my materialistic values are bigger, I’m going to stay and work. If my family values are bigger, I’m going to go home and play with my kids.” It’s not that materialistic people don’t care about their kids—but “as the materialistic values get bigger, other values are necessarily going to be crowded out,” he says, even if you tell yourself they won’t. And the pressure, in our culture, runs overwhelmingly one way—spend more; work more. We live under a system, Tim says, that constantly “distracts us from what’s really good about life.” We are being propagandized to live in a way that doesn’t meet our basic psychological needs—so we are left with a permanent, puzzling sense of dissatisfaction.